The Pet Shoppe
(1)	A small shop or store.
(2)	Sleeping or quietly relaxing.
(3)	To shock (by hitting).
(4)	Longer than expected.
(5)	A heartfelt desire/want.
(6)	A deep thin piece of land between mountains/hills.
(7)	To provide another in exchange.
(8)	A small, snail-like animal.	
Customer: Hello, I wish to register a complaint.
...
C: Hello, Miss?
Owner: What do you mean "Miss"?
C: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
O: We're closing for lunch.
C: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique(1).
O: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?
C: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. He's dead, that's what's wrong with it!
O: No, no, he's uh... he's resting(2).
C: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
O: No, no he's not dead, he's, he's resting! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, isn’t he? Beautiful plumage!
C: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
O: No! No! No! No! No! No! He's resting!
C: All right then, if he's resting, I'll wake him up!  Hello, Mister Polly Parrot! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you show – 
O: There, he moved!
C: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!
O: I never!!
C: Yes, you did!
O: I never – never did anything...
C: HELLO POLLY!!!!!  Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call! Now that's what I call a dead parrot.
O: No, no.....No, he's stunned(3)!
C: STUNNED?!?
O: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was waking up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.
C: Come...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely had enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not half an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it being tired and shagged out following a prolonged(4) squawk.
O: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining(5) for the fjords(6).
C: PINING for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?  Look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got him home?
O: The Norwegian Blue prefers kipping on it's back! Remarkable bird, isn’t it, squire? Lovely plumage!
C: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.
O: Well, of course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent them apart with its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
C: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! He's bleeding demised!
O: No no! He’s pining!
C: He’s not pining! He’s passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! He’s expired and gone to meet his maker!  He’s a stiff! Bereft of life, he rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed him to the perch he'd be pushing up the daisies!  His metabolic processes are now history!  He's off the twig!  He’s kicked the bucket, he's shuffled off his mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleeding choir invisible!!  THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!
O: Well, I'd better replace(7) it, then.
…
O: Sorry squire, I've had a look around the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of parrots.
C: I see. I see, I get the picture.
O: I got a slug(8).
…
C: Pray, does it talk?
O: Nnnnot really.
C: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?

Questions:

1.	When did the customer buy the bird?

2.	Why is the customer upset?

3.	Why was the bird on its perch?