<<< LEVVAX::ACC_USER:[NOTES$LIBRARY]LEV_SOCIETY.NOTE;1 >>> -< Unity, Coming Together, Lightening Up, and ... FUN! >- ================================================================================ Note 17.0 Here Comes the Music! 136 replies LEVVAX::ABL4290 "The one, the Prime." 18 lines 5-MAY-1993 21:10 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Considering the massive number of Music-related posts in other topics, it seems that the re-enstatement of this Topic is in order... Drumroll! Drrrrrrr.... MUSIC THAT RULES! Phase II Here comes the Music! Talk about music, your favorite artists, post lyrics, Opinions, as you wish! The Phonograph is Activated! Solenoid T ================================================================================ Note 17.1 Here Comes the Music! 1 of 136 LEVVAX::ABL4290 "The one, the Prime." 3 lines 2-SEP-1993 12:14 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Who sings "Injected with a Poison"? It's Techno Sol ================================================================================ Note 17.2 Here Comes the Music! 2 of 136 LEVVAX::AXP4796 "The Ewok from the Bronx" 8 lines 2-SEP-1993 13:00 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "This is the song that doesn't end"...that Lambchop sings is too cool... Ewokie ================================================================================ Note 17.3 Here Comes the Music! 3 of 136 LEVVAX::GPD5545 "Love makes the world go 'round" 9 lines 2-SEP-1993 13:21 -< Sorry, I just HATE techno >- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- > <<< Note 17.1 by LEVVAX::ABL4290 "The one, the Prime." >>> > >Who sings "Injected with a Poison"? It's Techno > Sol Easy. No one because techno is done by a non-artistic machine and no-one "sings" anything. _Dank ================================================================================ Note 17.4 Here Comes the Music! 4 of 136 LEVVAX::ABL4290 "The one, the Prime." 9 lines 2-SEP-1993 14:03 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Aga. Well, some guy says "Injected with a Poison", but maybe that guy never saw a penny of the final profits. Oh well. It's not Echo & the Bunnymen at least. Sol ================================================================================ Note 17.5 Here Comes the Music! 5 of 136 LEVVAX::BRC8940 "Houdini Levs...." 1 line 2-SEP-1993 16:33 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Eric Clapton rules. ================================================================================ Note 17.6 Here Comes the Music! 6 of 136 LEVVAX::AXP4796 "The Ewok from the Bronx" 7 lines 2-SEP-1993 16:36 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The California Raisans rule! Ewokie ================================================================================ Note 17.7 Here Comes the Music! 7 of 136 LEVVAX::BXG5360 "O' Captain! my Captain!" 6 lines 3-SEP-1993 15:08 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- the Meatmen are cool. "we're the meatmen and you suck." :) -Skip ================================================================================ Note 17.8 Here Comes the Music! 8 of 136 LEVVAX::JMS3520 "All this and I cook too" 3 lines 3-SEP-1993 15:54 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- GWAR!! ================================================================================ Note 17.9 Here Comes the Music! 9 of 136 LEVVAX::AXP4796 "The Ewok from the Bronx" 11 lines 3-SEP-1993 16:28 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dristan Drops are a cool band! ( a low budget junior high band...but hey..my bud was there...how can I not *cough* support it?) Ewokie ================================================================================ Note 17.10 Here Comes the Music! 10 of 136 LEVVAX::BXG5360 "O' Captain! my Captain!" 8 lines 4-SEP-1993 16:15 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- LA Style is cool. Buy their CD...it'll keep you ravin' till the end of the dawn. Just be sure to skip that "James Brown is dead' track.... -Skip ================================================================================ Note 17.11 Here Comes the Music! 11 of 136 LEVVAX::GKB3790 "I have a home!" 8 lines 5-SEP-1993 17:35 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Anyone out there ever hear Mike Oldfield's Tubular Bells? I believe it was used as the soundtrack to the Exorcist. My roommate had it last year and I borrowed it alot to listen to, and a little while ago I found Tubular Bells II, which is equally as cool. --Cav ================================================================================ Note 17.12 Here Comes the Music! 12 of 136 LEVVAX::JDD9642 "onothimagan" 6 lines 5-SEP-1993 22:45 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If I remember right, Oldfield did that album by himself and it took something like 2000 overlays, pretty tedious figuring it was all done analog...I also think it was the first album on the Virgin lable, or an offshoot...cuz nobody thought it'd sell. Course unless you care, this might belong filed under useless...jd ================================================================================ Note 17.13 Here Comes the Music! 13 of 136 LEVVAX::GKB3790 "I have a home!" 14 lines 5-SEP-1993 23:24 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Not useless at all. I saw a 60 Minutes on which they interviewed the man who started Virgin Records. He started by selling cheap records through a school publication that he was in charge of, then dropped out of college to open Virgin Records. At the time, this record store was nothing big, but as time went on, it grew. M. Oldfield was their first album, and from there this man has turned it into what it is today. (He has GOBS of money, BTW) HE's also very eccentric. He has a few world records, for ballooning. Transatlantic and transpacific flights in balloons and such like that. HE even has his own airline, with eight jets now in service. --Cav ================================================================================ Note 17.14 Here Comes the Music! 14 of 136 LEVVAX::CAS9140 "coed naked vax" 1 line 6-SEP-1993 11:05 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- GWAR! ================================================================================ Note 17.16 Here Comes the Music! 16 of 136 LEVVAX::CJW3890 "Run Brother! Run!" 10 lines 6-SEP-1993 18:35 -< :) >- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jesus died for someone's sins, but not mine. He would probably get castrated, stripped naked, covered in hydrogen peroxide, whipped until only muscle showed, drug by a car over a parking lot covered in broken glass, and left alive, paralyzed completely, if he died for... Jay's late night thoughts about sheep. Baaaaad boy. Tas ================================================================================ Note 17.17 Here Comes the Music! 17 of 136 LEVVAX::JXM6259 "Justice is served!" 8 lines 7-SEP-1993 10:25 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- die. :) Enya is really good music to listen to when you go to bed. You wake up feeling so...calm and relaxed. Almost like you've been dropping 'ludes. fnord ================================================================================ Note 17.18 Here Comes the Music! 18 of 136 LEVVAX::JED5264 "Look Mommy! It's the UPS man!!" 6 lines 8-SEP-1993 19:16 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- oh, you would know, too, huh? :) J ================================================================================ Note 17.19 Here Comes the Music! 19 of 136 LEVVAX::GKB3790 "I have a home!" 3 lines 9-SEP-1993 10:35 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I know. I'm his supplier. :) ================================================================================ Note 17.20 Here Comes the Music! 20 of 136 LEVVAX::ABL4290 "The one, the Prime." 31 lines 10-SEP-1993 09:44 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Heroes in a Half-Shell Turtle Power! They're the world's most fearsome fighting team! They're heroes in a half-shell and they're green! When the evil Shredder attacks, These turtle-boys don't cut 'im no slack Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Splinter taught them to be ninja teens (he's a radical rat) Leonardo leads, Donatello does machines (that's a fact, jack!) Raphael is cool, but crude (gimme a break) Michelangello is a Party Dude (cadaaaaa) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Heroes in a half-shell Turtle-Power! Sol ================================================================================ Note 17.21 Here Comes the Music! 21 of 136 LEVVAX::CJW3890 "Run Brother! Run!" 20 lines 10-SEP-1993 09:48 -< Greatest show ever >- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- TINY TOON ADVENTURES We're Tiny, we're Toony, we're all a little loony, And in this cartoony, we're invading your TV! We're comic, dispensers, we crack up all the censors, Tiny Toon Adventures, get a dose of comedy! So here's Acme Acres, its a whole wide world apart, Our home sweet home stands alone as a Cartoon work of art! The scripts been rejected; Expect the unexpected, Tiny Toon Adventures is about to start. Their furry, their funny, theres Babs and Buster Bunny Montana Max has money, and Elmira is a pain! There's Hampton, and Plucky, Dizzy Devil Ducky, Furballs unlucky, and Go Go is insane! At Acme Looninversity, we earn our Toon degrees, The teaching staff has been getting laughs since 1933! We're Tiny, we're Toony, we're all a little loony, Tiny Toon Adventures, come and join the fun! And now our song is done! :) ================================================================================ Note 17.22 Here Comes the Music! 22 of 136 LEVVAX::JGM7683 27 lines 10-SEP-1993 12:03 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- HEY, SCOOBY Scooby-Dooby-Doo Where are you We need some help from you now Come-on Scooby-Doo I need you You're ready and you're willin' Come on we have a mystery to solve behind our backs Welcome back And if you're gonna find the clues you're gonna need a Scooby-Snack Scooby-Dooby-Doo Where are you We need some help from you now Come on Scooby-Doo I need you You're ready and You're Willin' Hey, Scooby! Where Are you? OBER HEEEEERRRRR! ================================================================================ Note 17.23 Here Comes the Music! 23 of 136 LEVVAX::JGM7683 46 lines 10-SEP-1993 12:09 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- FlintStones Meet the FlintStones They're the modern stone age family From the Town of Bedrock They're a place right out of history Let's ride With the family down the street Through the Turn to see a friend in need (?) When you're With the FlintStones Have a Yabba-dabba-do time A dabba-do time you'll have a gay old time /////// FlintStones Meet the FlintStones They're the modern stone-age family From the Town of Bedrock They're a place right out of history Someday Maybe Fred will win the fight Stand back Cat will stay out for the night When you're With the FlintStones Have a Yabba-dabba-do time A dabba-do time You'll have a gay old time -crashing- You'll have a gay old time WILLLLLLLLLMAAAAAAAAAAAAA! ================================================================================ Note 17.24 Here Comes the Music! 24 of 136 LEVVAX::JGM7683 7 lines 10-SEP-1993 12:09 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Meet George Jetson His boy, Elroy Daughter Judy Jane His Wife ================================================================================ Note 17.25 Here Comes the Music! 25 of 136 LEVVAX::AXP4796 "The Ewok from the Bronx" 10 lines 10-SEP-1993 12:13 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Its... "Let's ride with the family down the street. Through the courtesy of Fred's two feet..." Ewokie ================================================================================ Note 17.26 Here Comes the Music! 26 of 136 LEVVAX::JGM7683 "VAXMAN Returns!" 1 line 11-SEP-1993 14:28 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fair warning... I fill the mailbox of anyone who posts a GARTH song. ================================================================================ Note 17.27 Here Comes the Music! 27 of 136 LEVVAX::JDD9642 "onothimagan" 3 lines 11-SEP-1993 15:00 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jennie Garth writes songs? jd :) ================================================================================ Note 17.28 Here Comes the Music! 28 of 136 LEVVAX::JGM7683 "VAXMAN Returns!" 5 lines 11-SEP-1993 15:19 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "GARTH" as in Garth Brooks. (YECCCH! |P ) TDoL ================================================================================ Note 17.29 Here Comes the Music! 29 of 136 LEVVAX::JGM7683 4059 lines 10-SEP-1993 12:21 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- @ALBUM: "WEIRD AL" YANKOVIC @SONG: RICKY Hey Lucy, I'm home! Oh, Ricky, you're so fine, You're so fine you blow my mind. Hey, Ricky! Hey, Ricky! Oh, Lucy, you're so fine, You're so fine you blow my mind. Hey, Lucy! Hey, Lucy! Oh, Ricky, you're so fine, You play your bongos all the time. Hey, Ricky! Hey, Ricky! Oh, Lucy, you're so fine, How I love to hear you whine. Hey, Lucy! Hey, Ricky! You always play your conga drums. You think you got the right. You wake up little Ricky In the middle of the night. Stop shakin' your maracas now, And just turn out the light, Ricky! I'm sick of Fred and Ethel Always comin' over here, 'Cause Fred eats all our pretzel sticks And then he spills his beer. Why don't you serve your casserole And make them disappear, Lucy? Oh, Ricky, What's a girl like me supposed to do? You really drive me wild When you sing your Ba-ba-lu. Oh, Lucy, You're so dizzy, Don't you have a clue? Well, here's to you, Lucy! I love you too, Lucy, too, Lucy. Let's Ba-ba-lu, Lucy. Hey, Ricky! You're always playin' at the club, You never let me go. I'm beggin' and I'm pleadin', But you always tell me no. Oh please, honey, please. Let me be in your show, Ricky! Waaa... You always burn the roast, And you drop the dishes too. You iron my new shirt, And you burn a hole right through. You're such a crazy redhead, I just don't know what to do, Lucy! Oh, Ricky, What a pity, don't you understand That every day's a rerun, And the laughter's always canned. Oh, Lucy, I'm the Latin leader of the band. So here's to you, Lucy, Let's Ba-ba-lu, Lucy, do, Lucy...everybody rumba! @SONG: GOTTA BOOGIE Gotta boogie. Gotta boogie. Gotta boogie. Gotta boogie. I gotta boogie! (Gotta boogie) I gotta boogie! (Gotta boogie) I gotta boogie! (Gotta boogie) Gotta boogie on my finger, And I can't shake it off! Well, I went out to a party Just the other night. I was jammin' to the music, I was feelin' all right. I was burnin' up the floor, Like a disco maniac, When my woman said, "Baby, why's your hand behind your back?" Gotta boogie! (Gotta boogie) I said boogie! (Gotta boogie) I gotta boogie! (Gotta boogie) Gotta boogie on my finger, And I can't shake it off! I can't pick it off! (Oh no) I can't flick it off! (Oh no) I sure ain't gonna lick it off! (Oh no) So I guess I'm gonna have to learn to Live with it. I gotta boogie! (Gotta boogie, uh huh, he gotta boogie) Gotta boogie! (Gotta boogie, uh huh, he gotta boogie) Gotta boogie! (Gotta boogie, uh huh, he gotta boogie) Gotta boogie on my finger, And I can't shake it off! (Boogie!) Gotta boogie. (Boogie!) Hey, you wanna boogie? No, man, I don't want a boogie! Wanna boogie? Get that boogie outta my face! Do any of you wanna boogie? No!!! Gotta boogie on my finger, Gotta boogie on my finger, Gotta boogie on my finger, And I can't shake it off! @SONG: I LOVE ROCKY ROAD I hear those ice cream bells and I start to drool, Keep a couple quarts in my locker at school Yeah, but chocolate's gettin' old, And vanilla just leaves me cold, There's just one flavor good enough for me, yeah me, Don't gimme no crummy taste spoon, I know what I need, baby CHORUS: I love rocky road, So won't you go and buy a half gallon baby I love rocky road, So have another triple scoop with me, OW! They tell me ice cream junkies are all the same, All the soda jerkers know my name, When their supply is gone, Then I'll be movin' on But I'll be back on Monday afternoon, You'll see, another truckload's comin' in for me, All for me, I'm singin' CHORUS When I'm all alone, I just grab my self a cone, And if I get fat and lose my teeth that's fine with me, Just lock me in the freezer, throw away the key, singin', CHORUS @SONG: BUCKINGHAM BLUES Gonna tell you a story About Chuck and Diane. Couple British kids from The palace at Buckingham. Chuckie wants to grow up And be a polo star, And ride his little horsies All around the backyard. (oh yeah) You know they really paid their dues. I said hey, lawdy mama. They got them Buckingham blues. Now Chuckie goes hunting, And leaves Diane alone. So she fixes her hair, And she talks on the Princess Phone. Chuckie's still tryin' to figure out What his job's supposed to be, And Diane's the fashion leader Of the aristocracy. I said hey, Lady Di, Tell me where'd you get them shoes? Ah, Well hey nonny nonny, Looks like you got them Buckingham blues. Aw, bein' heir to the throne, well It must be awful hard. Gotta pose for pictures Out on the front yard. And Lady Di, well, She must have it pretty rough. Gotta hang around the house all day, Makin' babies and stuff. Another game of croquet, Then they're off on a Caribbean cruise. Well hey bop-a-re-bop, They really got them Buckingham blues. (Ah, tell it to me, now tell it to--wow! Ah got my mojo workin'!) They don't serve no Twinkies With their afternoon tea. Never had a dinner Made by Chef Boy-ar-Dee. Bein' in the spotlight Is a hard life to choose. Diane drops half a pound, It's on the six o'clock news. Ah yeah, Those kids have really paid their dues. Aw, what a royal pain it is, When you got them Buckingham blues. @SONG: HAPPY BIRTHDAY Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday to you! Well it's time to celebrate your birthday, It happens every year. We'll eat a lot of broccoli, and drink a lot of beer. You should be good and happy that there's somethin' you can eat. A million people every day are starvin' in the street. Your daddy's in the gutter with the wretched and the poor. Your mama's in the kitchen with a can of Cycle Four. There's garbage in the water, There's poison in the sky. I guess it won't be long before we're all gonna die! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday to you! Well, what's the matter, little friend, you think this party is the pits? Enjoy it while you can. We'll soon be blown to bits! The monkeys in the Pentagon are gonna cook our goose. Their finger's on the button, all they need is an excuse. It doesn't take a military genius to see We'll all be Crispy Critters after World War III. There's nowhere you can run to, Nowhere you can hide. When they drop the big one, We all get fried. Come on, boys and girls, sing along, okay? Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday to you! Well, there's a punk in the alley, and he's lookin' for a fight. There's an Arab on the corner buyin' everything in sight. There's a mother in the ghetto with another mouth to feed. Seems that everywhere you look today, there's misery and greed. I guess you know the Earth is gonna crash into the sun, But that's no reason why we shouldn't have a little fun. So if you think it's scary, if it's more than you can take, Just blow out the candles, And have a piece of cake. Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday to you! (wow!) Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday to you! And a pinch to grow an inch! @SONG: STOP DRAGGIN' MY CAR AROUND Had to park my car for just five minutes. I had to go inside to use the phone. When I came back again, my car was gone. Well, I didn't know it was a loading zone. What a bummer, I as so brought down. I had to chase that tow truck a over town, yellin' Stop draggin' my... Stop draggin' my... Stop draggin' my car around. Took my baby to the local disco. I was jumpin' like a maniac. But the owner came and pulled me off the floor. Then He took me to his little office in the back. He said, "I really like your snaggletooth necklace. Your pants are groovy, and your hair's okay. But, man, that car of yours is so uncool. Like wow, I'm sorry, but we towed it away!" Stop draggin' my... Stop draggin' my... Stop draggin' my car around! Now I'm at home. I'm watchin' "Gilligan's Island." Guess it's time to trade my old car in. For twenty dollars and my '64 Plymouth, Maybe I could get a second-hand Schwinn. Look out the window, there's a Tow truck in the driveway. I grabbed the driver and I asked him why. He said, "I'm sorry, kid, you're late with the payments. It's time to kiss your little car goodbye." Stop draggin' my... Stop draggin' my... Stop draggin' my car around! Stop draggin' my car around! Listen, the check's in the mail. No, really! Stop draggin' my car around! Oh man, I just had the hub caps painted! Stop draggin' my car around! Hey! Hey, I left a sandwich in the back seat! @SONG: MY BOLOGNA Oooh, my little hungry one, Hungry one. Open up a package of my bologna. Oooh, I think the toast is done, The toast is done. Top it with a little of my bologna. CHORUS: Never gonna stop, Eat it up. Such a tasty snack, I always eat too much, And throw up. But I'll soon be back For my my my yi yi wooo! M-M-M-My bologna. Spreadin' on the mustard now, A-show me how. Spread it on a little of this bologna. Hopin' that we don't run out, Don't run out. If we do, I'm sure that I'll miss bologna. CHORUS Goin' to the market now, Market now. I'm the city's biggest bologna buyer. Walkin' down the shopping aisles, Shopping aisles. Fillin' up my basket with Oscar Mayer. CHORUS @SONG: THE CHECK'S IN THE MAIL Well, hey, how ya doin'? Have a seat. Have a drink. Boy, it's good to see ya. What can I say? Wo, sorry, gotta run. We'll get together again. Say, what was your name, anyway? Well, we're workin' on the problem. We'll get back to ya soon. (yeah) But don't try to call me. I'll be in a meeting every afternoon. For a year. Maybe longer. Keep in touch. Thanks for droppin' by, and have a nice day. CHORUS: The check's in the mail. (hey!) You're beautiful. Don't ever change. You know what I mean. My girl will call your girl. We'll talk. We'll do lunch. Or leave a message on my machine. So baby, Won't you sign On the dotted line. I'm gonna make your dreams come true. The check's in the mail. Would I lie to you? Well, hey. Wait a minute. Whattsa matter? Hold on. You want me to fork over the loot? You say you hate my guts? You wanna take me to court? And you got yourself a lawyer with a three-piece suit? Well, I'm proud to say you're not The only critic of mine. (yeah) So if you wanna sue me, I'm afraid you're gonna have to wait in line. Take a number. Thanks for calling. Who loves ya, baby? Don't forget to read the fine print. CHORUS Aw, trust me! The check's in the mail. (hey!) You're beautiful. Don't ever change. You know what I mean. Why don't you leave a message with my girl, Or have lunch with your machine. So baby, Won't you sign On the dotted line. I'm gonna make your dreams come true. The check's in the mail. Would I lie to you? The check's in the mail. Would I lie to you? @SONG: ANOTHER ONE RIDES THE BUS Ridin' in a bus down the boulevard, And the place was pretty packed. Couldn't find a seat, so I had to stand, With the perverts in the back. It was smellin' like a locker room. There was junk all over the floor. We're already packed in like sardines, But we're stoppin' to pick up more. Look out! CHORUS: Another one rides the bus-ah. Another one rides the bus-ah. And another comes on, And another comes on. Another one rides the bus-ah. Hey! He's gonna sit by you. Another one rides the bus. There's a suitcase pokin' me in the ribs. There's an elbow in my ear. There's a smelly old bum standin' next to me. Hasn't showered in a year. Well, I think I'm missin' a contact lens. I think my wallet's gone. And I think this bus is stoppin' again, To let a couple more freaks get on. Look out! CHORUS Another one rides the bus. Another one rides the bus--ow! Another one rides the bus--hey, hey! Another one rides the bus--hey-y-y-y! The window doesn't open, and the fan is broke, And my face is turnin' blue. I haven't been in a crowd like this Since I went to see The Who. Well, I should'a got off a couple miles ago, But I couldn't get to the door. There isn't any room for me to breathe. Now we're gonna pick up more, yeah! CHORUS @SONG: I'LL BE MELLOW WHEN I'M DEAD I don't care about your karma. I don't care about what's hip. No space cadet's gonna tell me what to do. I won't swim in your Jacuzzi. You can't make me settle down. I'd rather kick and jump and bite and scratch, And scream until I'm blue. I may as well be hyper, As long as I'm still around. 'Cause I'll have lots of time to be laid back, When I'm six feet under ground. CHORUS: I'll be mellow when I'm dead. (6 times) When are you Cosmic cowboys Gonna get it through your head. I'll be mellow when I'm dead. (6 times) I can't stand the smell of incense. I don't really like to jog. No Joni Mitchell eight-tracks in my car. (ooh) I hate anything organic. Even health food makes me sick. You won't catch me sipping Perrier Down in some sushi bar. I tell you, now's the time to go for All the gusto you can grab. You'll have plenty of time to be low-key When you're laid out on the slab. CHORUS I don't want no part of that vegetarian scene. I won't buy me a pair of designer jeans. No redwood hot tub to my name. I got all that I want, And if it's all the same to you, I don't need a course in self-awareness To find out who I am. And I'd rather have a Big Mac or a Jumbo Jack Than all the bean sprouts in Japan! So don't ask me what I'm into. I don't need to prove I'm cool. I'll break your arm, If you ask me what's my sign. I won't tell you where my head's at. I don't need to see no shrink. Psychosis may be in this year, But I'm really not that kind, And I'm in no hurry to be casual. In fact I think I'll wait Until I'm pushing up the daisies. (Like, wow, man, can you relate?) I'll be mellow when I'm dead. (9 times) @SONG: SUCH A GROOVY GUY I got my alligator boots. I wear my pants skin tight. I wear my dark sunglasses in the middle of the night. And when I look in the mirror, oh it's such an awesome sight. It makes me want to kneel down and pray. I'm so adorable and charming. I'm sure that you can see. And everybody's always tryin' to hang around with me. They tell me I'm the greatest, and it's hard to disagree. 'Cause I'm so perfect in every way. And I'm so cute, I can hardly stand it. And I'm so handsome, honey, I could just die. I know you'll never be as wonderful as me, But at least you can try. 'Cause CHORUS: I'm such a groovy guy. (such a groovy guy) Yeah, I'm such a groovy guy. (such a groovy guy) I'm such a groovy guy. (such a groovy guy) Yeah, I'm such a groovy guy. Baby, are you in the mood for a little romance? Well, for starters I could pour some chocolate pudding down your pants. And then attach electrodes to your brain, and watch you dance. Well, golly, wouldn't that be fun? Oh, and then I might decide to tie you up with dental floss. I'll make you wear a harness, and I'll show ya who's the boss. Of course, if you refuse, well honey, it's your loss. I mean, I don't do this with just anyone. So baby, how can you say its all over? So how can ya tell me goodbye? So now you tell me that you're leavin' me for good, And all I wanna know is why? I mean, after all, CHORUS I mean you could do worse. CHORUS @SONG: MR. FRUMP IN THE IRON LUNG I visit Mr. Frump in the hospital. I see him 'most every day. And when I see Mr. Frump in his iron lung, This is what I hear him say: (iron lung sounds) Ya know, Mr. Frump is my very best friend. He's never a chump or a tease. He never tells me lies, and best of all, He never disagrees. I bring him candy and flowers every afternoon. Sit down by his side and say "Hi". And then I ask him his opinion of the world situation, And I wait for Mr. Frump's reply. And Mr. Frump would say: (iron lung sounds) Well, unfortunately, soon it came to be Mr. Frump's dying day. So now I bring to you the very last thing That Mr. Frump had to say: (rapid iron lung sounds) A-men! @ALBUM: IN 3-D @SONG: EAT IT How come you're always such a fussy young man, Don't want no Captain Crunch, don't want no Raisin Bran, Well don't you know that other kids are starving in Japan, So eat it, just eat it. Don't want to argue, I don't want to debate Don't want to hear about what kind of food you hate. You won't get no desert till you clean off your plate. So eat it. Don't tell me you're full Just eat it, eat it, Get yourself an egg and beat it. Have some more chicken, have some more pie It doesn't matter if it's broiled or fried Just eat it, eat it, just eat it, eat it, Just eat it, eat it, just eat it, eat it. Your table manners are a crying shame Your playin' with your food, this ain't some kind of game. Now if you starve to death you'll just have yourself to blame. So eat it, just eat it. You better listen, better do what you're told, You haven't even touched your tuna casserole, You better chow down or it's gonna get cold, So eat it. I don't care if you're full Just eat it, eat it. Open up your mouth and feed it. Have some more yogurt, have some more Span, It doesn't matter if it's fresh or canned Just eat it, eat it Don't you make me repeat it. Have a banana, have a whole bunch, It doesn't matter what you had for lunch Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it. Just eat it, eat it, If it's getting cold reheat it Have a big dinner, have a light snack, If you don't like it you can't send it back. Just eat it, eat it Get yourself an egg and beat it. Have some more chicken, have some more pie It doesn't matter if it's broiled or fried Just eat it, eat it, Don't you make me repeat it. @SONG: MIDNIGHT STAR I was waiting in the express lane with my twelve items or less, At the checkout counter at the local grocery store. I was only passin' by, But a paper caught my eye, And I learned a few things I never knew before. It said, "Your pet may be an extraterrestrial." It said, "The ghost of Elvis is living in my den. You can learn to cope with stress, And you can beat the IRS, And the incredible frog boy is on the loose again!" Oh, Midnight Star! It's in the weekly Midnight Star. Aliens from outer space are sleeping in my car. Midnight Star, I wanna know, I wanna know. Eat jelly doughnuts and lose twenty pounds a day. Hear the story of the man born without a head. And top psychics all agree That the telephone company Will have a brand new service that lets you talk to the dead. Oh, Midnight Star! You can believe it if you read it in the weekly Midnight Star. They're keeping Hitler's brain alive inside a jar. Midnight Star, I wanna know, I wanna know. (Tell me, tell me, tell me how to make my bust line grow.) Midnight Star, I wanna know... Oh, Midnight Star! Well, don'tcha know that I read it, I read it in the weekly Midnight Star. The UFO's have landed and we'll tell you where they are. Midnight Star, I wanna know, I wanna know, Midnight Star. Well, you can read all about it in the weekly Midnight Star. You can use your ESP to learn to play guitar. I wanna know, I wanna know. I wanna know, I wanna know. I wanna know, I wanna know. I wanna know, I wanna know. Inquiring minds like mine wanna know... I wanna know, I wanna know. I wanna know, I wanna know. I wanna know, I wanna know. I wanna know, I wanna know. @SONG: THE BRADY BUNCH You can watch Mister Rogers, You can watch Three's Company, And you can turn on Fame, Or the Newlywed Game, Or the Addams Family. Say, you can watch Barney Miller, And you can watch your MTV, And you can watch Till your eyes fall out of your head. That'll be okay with me. And you can watch (TV) You can watch Johnny Carson, You can watch Phil Donahue, And you can use TV Guide To help you decide, With a capsulized review. Say, you can watch 60 minutes, Even Captain Kangaroo, But there's only one set, So whatever you watch Well, you know I gotta watch it too. A-say, give it up, Give it up, Television's takin' its toll. That's enough, That's enough. Gimme the remote control. I've been nice, I've been good, Please don't do this to me. Turn it off, Turn it off, I don't wanna have to see The Brady Bunch. Not the Brady Bunch. Well, the Brady Bunch. Yeah, the Brady Bunch. It's the story of a lovely lady, Who was bringing up three very lovely girls. All of them had hair of gold, Like their mother, The youngest one in curls. It's the story of a man named Brady Who was busy with three boys of his own. They were four men living all together, A-yeah, but they were all alone. Till then one day, A-one day, When the lady met this fellow And they knew, And they knew It was much more than a hunch That the group, A-this group Must somehow form a family. That's the way, That's the way, That's the way they all became the Brady Bunch. Well, the Brady Bunch, Yeah, the Brady Bunch, Well, the Brady Bunch. Oh, it's the Brady Bu-unch... @SONG: BUY ME A CONDO Chorus: Gonna buy me a condo. Gonna buy me a Cuisinart. Get de wall-to-wall carpeting. Get de wallet full o' credit cards. I gonna buy me a condo. Never have to mow the lawn. Gonna get me the T-shirt With the alligator on. Wo-o-o, used to live in Jamaica, But I don't live dere no more. Had to change me lifestyle, Do t'ings I never done before. So now I'm just a lonely Rastaman, Living in dis American town. Gonna sell me Bob Marley records, Gonna get me some Jackson Browne. (chorus) Wo, gonna cut off me dreadlocks, T'row away all me ganja. I'll have a Tupperware party, Maybe join me a health spa. I'll get a bowl of plastic fruit, And a microwave oven too. Then I'll have the neighbors over For a weenie barbecue. (chorus) Ain't gonna work in the field no more. Gonna be Amway distributor. Ain't gonna work in the field no more, no, no. Gonna be Amway distributor. (Jah) Jah, jah, jah, Life is so very hard, I need a (jah) jah, jah, jah Jacuzzi in my backyard. (chorus) What you say? (chorus) What you say? (chorus) @SONG: I LOST ON JEOPARDY Ohhhhhh... I was there, to match my intellect, on national TV, Against a plumber, and an architect, both with a Ph.D. I was tense, I was nervous, I guess it just wasn't my night. Art Fleming gave the answers, Oh, but I couldn't get the questions right-ight-ight I lost on Jeopardy, Baby, (Oooh.) I lost on Jeopardy, Baby, (Oooh.) Well I knew I was in trouble now, My hope of winning sank, 'Cause I got the Daily Double now, And then my mind went blank. I took Potpourri for one hundred, And then my head started to spin. Well, I'm givin' up. Don Pardo, Just tell me now what I didn't win, Yeah, yeah. I lost on Jeopardy, Baby, (Oooh.) I lost on Jeopardy, Baby, (Oooh.) That's right Al--you lost! And let me tell what you didn't win: a twenty- volume set of the Encyclopedia International, a case of Turtle Wax, and a year's supply of Rice-a-Roni, the San Francisco treat. But that's not all! You also made yourself look like a jerk in front of millions of people! And you brought shame and disgrace on your family name for generations to come! You don't get to come back tomorrow! You don't even get a lousy copy of your home game! You're a complete loser!! Don't know what I was thinkin' of, I guess I just wasn't too bright. Well, I sure hope I do better Next weekend on The Price Is Right-ight-ight I lost on Jeopardy, Baby, (Oooh.) I lost on Jeopardy, Baby, (Oooh.) I lost on Jeopardy, Baby... @SONG: POLKAS ON 45 They tell us that we lost our tails, Evolving up from little snails. I say it's all just wind and sails. Are we not men, we are Devo. Are we not men, D-E-V-O. Smoke on the water. A fire in the sky. Smoke on the water. (I'm a man) I'm a boy. (I'm a man) Well, I'm your mother. (I'm a man) I'm a one-night stand. (I'm a man) Am I by? (I'm a man) I'm your slave. I'm a little girl, When we make love together. Hey, hey, hey! Jude, don't make it bad, Take a sad song and make it better. Remember to let her into your heart, Then you can start to make it better, Better, better, better, better, better, better, yeah! L.A. woman. You're my woman. Got my mojo risin'. Mister Mojo risin'. Hey! In a gadda da vida, honey, Don'tcha know that I love you. In a gadda da vida, baby, Don'tcha know that I'll always be true. Hey Joe, where ya goin' with that gun in your hand? Hey Joe! Where ya goin' with that gun in your hand? Gonna shoot my old lady. Caught her messin' around with another man. (yodel) I'm an ordinary guy, burnin' down the house. I'm hot blooded, chicken in sea. Got a fever of a hundred and three. Come on, baby, you can do more than dance. I'm hot blooded, hot blooded! Every breath you take, every move you make, Every bond you break, every step you take, I'll be watchin' you. Darling, you gotta let me know, Should I stay, or should I go? If you say that you are mine, I'll be here till the end of time. But you gotta let me know, wo-wo-wo. Should I stay, or should I go? But it's all right now, in fact it's a gas. But it's all right--jumpin' jack flash, it's a gas, gas, gas! People try to put us down. (Talkin' bout my generation) Just because we get around. (Talkin' bout my generation) Things they do look awful c-c-cold. (Talkin' bout my generation) Hope I die before I get old. (Talkin' bout my generation) Talkin' bout my generation. Talkin' bout my generation. Well, talkin' bout my generation! @SONG: MR. POPIEL I need a Vegematic! I need a Pocket Fisherman! I need a handy appliance That'll scramble an egg while it's still inside its shell! (Operators are standing by. How does that make you feel?) Help me. Mr. Popiel! I wanna shine some pennies! I wanna mend some leather! I wanna Krazy-Glue my head to the bottom of a big steel girder! (Please, no C.O.D.'s. Don't miss out on this deal.) Ah, help me. Mr. Popiel! Help me. Mr. Popiel! Mr. Popiel! Mr. Popiel! (Wo-o, wo-o. Ohhhhhh.) It slices. It dices. Look at that tomato! You could even cut a tin can with it, But you wouldn't want to! Mr. Popiel, I'm in trouble. Need your assistance on the double. Oh no! Now how am I gonna make My old vinyl car top look like new? Mr. Popiel! Tell me, what am I s'posed to do? Mr. Popiel! Mr. Popiel! (Now how much would you pay?) But wait, there's more! It's not sold in any store! (Now how much would you pay?) Don't answer yet, Just look what else you get! (Now how much would you pay?) If you order today, You get a Ginsu knife and a smokeless Ashtray! (Now how much would you pay?) Now how much would you pay? Mr. Popiel, Mr. Popiel. Mr. Popiel, Mr. Popiel. Mr. Popiel, Mr. Popiel. Mr. Popiel, Mr. Popiel. Make me buy a Garden Weasel! Make me buy a Bamboo Steamer! Make me take advantage Of this amazing TV offer! (Call our toll-free number, We'll make you such a deal.) Aw, help me! Mr. Popiel. I want it! (Mr. Popiel.) Well, I need it! (Mr. Popiel.) I got to got to got to have it! Mr. Popiel! Mr. Popiel! Hey! @SONG: KING OF SUEDE There's a sale on our gabardine suits today. They're all thirty percent off from yesterday. There's Fortrel polyester, leather, wool and tweed. Just a Visa or Mastercard is all you need. We've got every color, we've got ev'ry shade. We're located next door to Willy's Fun Arcade. We got every fabric that was ever made, But I'm known in this city as the King of Suede. We got portly and regular and extra-long. (Is my size up there?) We got tailors to fix it, if it comes out wrong. (Is my size up there?) We got all kinds of sweatshirts, you can take your pick. (Is my size up there?) With the collars ripped off, like that Flashdance flick. (Is my size up there?) Our prices are low, my staff is underpaid. You can buy off the rack, or have it custom made, And it's all guaranteed to never shrink or fade, 'Cause of my reputation as the King of Suede. If you need a tuxedo for your junior prom, (Is my size up there?) We can get you the best one that's made in Taiwan. (Is my size up there?) We got jackets with patches on the elbows, too. (Is my size up there?) And we'll sell 'em all factory-direct to you. (Is my size up there?) Well, I never made it past the second grade. It took all of my life for me to learn this trade. But my friends are all thinking that I've got it made, 'Cause I'm known the world over as the King of Suede. There's a two-for-one sale on our three-piece suits. Check out our suede pajamas and our suede-covered boots. You can try on our suede underwear if you choose. Do what you want, but don't step on my blue suede shoes. King of Suede. Don't miss out on our giant liquidation sale. (Is my size up there?) Look for our color catalog in next week's mail. (Is my size up there?) There's a sale on our double-knit slacks today. It's the same old sale as yesterday. Thirty years in the same location I have stayed, There I am, right next door to Willy's Fun Arcade. I got tough competition but I'm not afraid, 'Cause it's my destiny to be the King of Suede. King of Suede. King of Suede. King of Suede. I'll always be King of Suede. I'll always be King of Suede. @SONG: THAT BOY COULD DANCE We all used to call him Jimmy the Geek He was a dumb-lookin', scrawny, little four-eyed freak He never used to hang around with the guys He'd just sit in the corner, attractin' the flies He wasn't much to look at He never was very bright but at least there was one thing that he could do all right That boy could dance He was kind of a jerk He was kind of a bore but the women would scream when he walked in the door 'cause one thing I could tell you for sure That boy could dance Picking teams, he would always be last He couldn't run very far, He couldn't think very fast If he was on your side, you`d always lose the guy had a problem, even tying his shoes He never passed his drivers test He was always afraid of cars and he had a complexion that resembled the surface of Mars but that boy could dance Well, his hair was a mess and his clothes didn't fit He smelled pretty bad, and he drooled just a bit but you gotta admit boy, that boy could dance Now that boy is much older he's got his own dance studio He's got a teeny bopper fan club yeah, he's got his own TV show now he owns half of Montana they all call him "Diamond Jim" and you know I'd do anything if I could be just like him 'cause that boy could dance. @SONG: THEME FROM ROCKY XIII Fat and weak, what a disgrace. Guess the champ got too lazy. Ain't gonna fly now, he's just takin' up space. Sold his gloves, threw his eggs down the drain. But he's no bum, he works down the street. He bought the neighborhood deli. Back on his feet, now he's choppin' up meat. Come inside, maybe you'll hear him say: Try the rye or the kaiser, They're on special tonight. If you want, you can have an appetizer. You might like our salami, and the liver's all right. And they'd really go well with the rye, Or the kaiser. Never eats while on the job. He heard it's good to stay hungry. But he makes a pretty mean shish kabob. Have a taste, they were made fresh today. Try the rye or the kaiser or the wheat or the white. Maybe I can suggest an appetizer. Stay away from the tuna, it smells funny tonight. But you just can't go wrong with the rye, Or the kaiser. So today, his deli comes first. Still he dreams of his past days of glory. Goes in the back and beats up on the liverwurst, All the while you can still hear him say: It's the rye or the kaiser, it's the thrill of one bite. Let me please be your catering advisor. If you want substitutions, I won't put up a fight. You can have your roast beef on the rye, Or the kaiser. The rye or the kaiser, The rye or the kaiser, The rye or the kaiser... @SONG: NATURE TRAIL TO HELL Coming this Christmas to a theatre near you, The most horrifying film to hit the screen. There's a homicidal maniac who finds a Cub Scout troop, And he hacks up two or three in every scene. Please don't reveal the secret ending to your friends. Don't spoil the big surprise. You won't believe your eyes when you see Nature Trail to Hell, Nature Trail to Hell, Nature Trail to Hell, In 3-D. Nature Trail to Hell, Nature Trail to Hell, Nature Trail to Hell, In 3-D. See severed heads that almost fall right in your lap. See that bloody hatchet coming right at you. No, you'll never see hideous effects like these again, Till we bring you "Nature Trail to Hell--Part 2." So bring the kids along, it's good clean family fun. What have you got to lose, If you like the six o'clock news, then you'll love Nature Trail to Hell, Nature Trail to Hell, Nature Trail to Hell, In 3-D. Nature Trail to Hell, Nature Trail to Hell, Nature Trail to Hell, In 3-D. @ALBUM - DARE TO BE STUPID @SONG: LIKE A SURGEON I finally made it through med school. Somehow I made it through. I'm just an intern, I still make a mistake or two. I was last in the class, Barely passed at the institute. Now I'm tryin' to avoid Yeah, I'm tryin' to avoid A malpractice suit. Hey, like a surgeon, Cuttin' for the very first time. Like a surgeon, Organ transplants are my line. Better give me all your gauze, nurse, This patient's fading fast. Complications have set in, Don't know how long he'll last. Let me see that I.V. Here we go, time to operate. I'll pull his insides out. Pull his insides out, And see what he ate. Like a surgeon, hey! Cuttin' for the very first time. Like a surgeon, Here's a waiver for you to sign. Wo-ho. Wo-ho. Wo-ho It's a fact. I'm a quack. The disgrace of the A.M.A. 'Cause my patients die. Yeah, my patients die Before they can pay. Like a surgeon, hey! Cuttin' for the very first time. Like a surgeon. Got your kidneys on my mind. Like a surgeon, ooh hoo, like a surgeon, When I reach inside With my scalpel, And my forceps, And retractors. Oh ho. Oh ho. Ooh, baby, Yeah, I can hear your heart beat For the very last time. @SONG: DARE TO BE STUPID Put down that chain saw and listen to me. It's time for us to join in the fight. It's time to let your babies grow up to be cowboys. It's time to let the bedbugs bite. You better put all your eggs in one basket. You better count your chickens before they hatch. You better sell some wine before its time. You better find yourself an itch to scratch. You better squeeze all the Charmin you can, When Mr. Whipple's not around. Stick your head in the microwave, and get yourself a tan. Talk with your mouth full. Bite the hand that feeds you. Bite off more than you can chew. What can you do? Dare to be stupid. Take some wooden nickels. Look for Mr. Goodbar. Get your mojo working now. I'll show you how. You can dare to be stupid. You can turn the other cheek. You can just give up the ship. You can eat a bunch of sushi, then forget to leave a tip. Dare to be stupid. Come on and dare to be stupid. It's so easy to do. We're all waiting for you. Let's go! It's time to make a mountain out of a molehill. So can I have a volunteer? There's no more time for crying over spilled milk. Now it's time for crying in your beer. Settle down and raise a family, join the P.T.A. Buy some sensible shoes and a Chevrolet. Then party till you're broke, and they drag you away. It's okay. You can dare to be stupid. It's like spitting on a fish. It's like barking up a tree. It's like I said, you gotta buy one if you wanna get one free. Dare to be stupid. Yes. Why don't you dare to be stupid. It's so easy, so easy to do. We're all waiting for you. Burn your candle at both ends. Look a gift horse in the mouth. Mashed potatoes can be your friends. You can be a coffee achiever. You can sit around the house And watch "Leave It To Beaver." The future's up to you. So what you gonna do? Dare to be stupid. Dare to be stupid. What did I say? (Dare to be stupid.) Tell me, what did I say? (Dare to be stupid.) It's all right. (Dare to be stupid.) We can be stupid all night. (Dare to be stupid.) Come on, join the crowd. (Dare to be stupid.) Shout it out loud. (Dare to be stupid.) I can't hear you. (Dare to be stupid.) Okay, I can hear you now. @SONG: I WANT A NEW DUCK I want a new duck. One that won't try to bite. One that won't chew a hole in my socks. One that won't quack all night. I want a new duck. One with big webbed feet. One that knows how to wash my car, And keep his room real neat. One that won't raid the ice box. One that'll stay in shape. One that's never gonna try To migrate or escape, Or I'll tie him up with duck tape. I want a new duck. A mallard, I think. One that won't make a mess of my house, Or build a nest in the bathroom sink. I want a new duck. One that won't steal my beer. One that won't stick his bill in my mail. One that knows "The duck stops here." One that won't drive me crazy Waddling all around. One who'll teach me how to swim, And help me not to drown. And show me how to get down. "How to get down", baby. Get it? (quack, quack, quack, quack, quack) I want a new duck. Not a swan or a goose. Just a drake I can dress real cute. Think I'm gonna name him Bruce. I want a new duck. Not a quail or an owl. One that won't molt too much. One that won't smell too foul. One that won't beg for breadcrumbs, Hangin' around all day. He'd better mind his manners. Better do just what I say, Or he's gonna be duck pate'. Duck pate', yeah yeah. @SONG: ONE MORE MINUTE Well, I heard that you're leavin', Gonna leave me far behind, 'Cause you found a brand new lover, You decided that I'm not your kind, So I pulled your name out of my Rolodex, And I tore all your pictures in two, And I burned down the malt shop where we used to go, Just because it reminds me of you. That's right, you ain't gonna see me cryin'. I'm glad that you found somebody new, 'Cause I'd rather spend eternity eating shards of broken glass, Than spend one more minute with you. I guess I might seem kinda bitter. You got me feelin' down in the dumps. 'Cause I'm stranded all alone in the Gas Station of Love, And I have to use the self-service pumps! Oh, so honey, let me help you with that suitcase. You ain't gonna break my heart in two. 'Cause I'd rather get a hundred thousand paper cuts on my face, Than spend one more minute with you. I'd rather rip out my intestines with a fork, Than watch you going out with other men. I'd rather slam my fingers in a door, Again and again and again and again and again. Aw, can't you see what I'm tryin' to say, darlin'. I'd rather have my blood sucked out by leeches, Shove an ice pick under a toenail or two. I'd rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station with my tongue, Than spend one more minute with you. Yes, I'd rather jump naked on a huge pile of thumbtacks, Or stick my nostrils together with Krazy Glue. I'd rather dive into a swimming pool filled with double-edged razor blades, Than spend one more minute with you. I'd rather rip my heart right out of my rib cage with my bare hands and then throw it on the floor and stomp on it till I die... Than spend one more minute with you. @SONG: YODA I met him in a swamp down in Dagobah where it bubbles all the time like a giant carbonated soda, S O D A, soda, I saw the little runt sitting there on a log well, I asked him his name and in a raspy voice he said Yoda, Y O D A, Yoda, Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda Well, I've ben around but I ain't never seen a guy who looks like a muppet but he's wrinkled and green Oh my Yoda, Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda Now, I left home just a week before, and I ain't never been a Jedi before but Obi-Wan said "You stay the course, You go to Yoda and he'll show you the Force." Now, I'm not the kind that'll argue with Ben So it looks I'm gonna start all over again with my Yoda, Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda So I picked up some rocks, Just by using my head, But I won't forget what Yoda said, he said "Luke, stay away from the darker side, and if you start to go astray let the Force be your guide." Oh my Yoda, Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda He said, "I know Darth Vader's really got you annoyed, But, remember if you kill him then you'll be unemployed!" Oh my Yoda, Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda Well, I heard my friends really got in a mess so it looks like I'll be leaving Yoda, I guess But I know that I'll be coming back some day I'll be making these movies till I'm old and grey! The Long-term contract I hadda sign means I'll be making these movies till the end of time with my Yoda Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda (continue to fade...) @SONG: GEORGE OF THE JUNGLE George, George, George of the Jungle, Strong as he can be. Watch out for that tree! George, George, George of the Jungle, Lives a life that's free. Watch out for that tree! When he gets in scrapes, When he makes his escapes, With the help of his friend, An ape named Ape, Then away he'll slip, On his elephant ship, While Fella and Ursula stay in step, with George, George, George of the Jungle, Friend to you and me. Watch out for that tree! Watch out for that tree! George, George, George of the Jungle, Friend to you and me. @SONG: SLIME CREATURES FROM OUTER SPACE Things just haven't been the same, Since the flying saucer came. Now the aliens are on the loose. Well, we tried to hold 'em back, Tried to ward off their attack, But our atom bombs were just no use. They were ugly, they were mean, Biggest heads I ever seen. They made everybody scream and shout. First they leveled Tokyo, Then New York was next to go. Boy, I really wish they'd cut it out! They wasted everybody on my block. There goes the neighborhood. They'll zap you with their death-ray eyes, And blow you up real good. Run for your lives! (Slime Creatures from Outer Space.) (Slime Creatures from Outer Space.) They're not very nice to the human race. (Slime Creatures from Outer Space.) There's more comin' every day, And they just won't go away. Now they're reproducing in the sewers. They got slimy lizard skin, And an evil-lookin' grin, And they sure could use some manicures. They got hands all covered with fungus. They got eyes like some kinda bug. I sure hope they don't come in here, I just shampooed the rug. Run for your lives! (Slime Creatures from Outer Space.) (Slime Creatures from Outer Space.) They're really makin' a mess of this place. (Slime Creatures.) (Slime Creatures.) (Slime Creatures from Outer Space.) (Slime Creatures from Outer Space.) (Slime Creatures from Outer Space.) (Slime Creatures from Outer Space.) (Slime Creatures from Outer Space.) (Slime Creatures from Outer Space.) They'll rip your head off just for fun. They'll paralyze your mind. They're wearin' out their welcome. I don't think I like their kind. They'll suck your brain out through a straw. You just can't trust those guys. So hide the children, lock the doors, And always watch the skies. Look out! Here come the... (Slime Creatures from Outer Space.) (Slime Creatures from Outer Space.) They're an intergalactic disgrace. (Slime Creatures from Outer Space.) (Slime Creatures from Outer Space.) I wish they'd just get outta my face. (Slime Creatures from Outer Space.) (Slime Creatures from Outer Space.) They're makin' a big, fat mess of this place. (Slime Creatures.) (Slime Creatures.) Where did they come from? What do they want from us? Who do they think they are? (Slime Creatures. Slime Creatures.) Why don't they leave me alone? (Slime Creatures. Slime Creatures.) They're really getting on my nerves. @SONG: GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE LUNCH Some girls like to buy new shoes, And others like drivin' trucks and wearing tattoos. There's only one thing that they all like a bunch. Oh, girls, they wanna have lunch. Oh, girls, they just wanna have lunch. I know how to keep a woman satisfied. When I whip out my Diner's Card their eyes get so wide. They're always in the mood for something to munch. Oh, girls, they wanna have lunch. Oh, girls just wanna have... That's all they really want. Some lunch. Don't ask 'em to dinner or breakfast or brunch. 'Cause girls, they wanna have lunch. Oh, girls just wanna have lunch. She eats like she got a hole in her neck, And I'm the one that always gets stuck with the check. Can't figure out how come they don't weigh a ton. Oh, girls, they wanna have lunch. Oh, girls just wanna have... That's all they really want, Is some lunch. Don't know for certain, but I've got a hunch. Those girls, they wanna have lunch. Oh, girls just wanna have lunch. They just wanna, They just wanna... @SONG: THIS IS THE LIFE I eat filet mignon seven times a day. My bathtub's filled with Perrier. What can I say? This is the life! I buy a dozen cars when I'm in the mood. I hire somebody to chew my food. I'm an upwardly mobile dude. This is the life! They say that money corrupts you, But I can't really tell. I got the whole world at my feet, And I think it's pretty swell. I got women lined up outside my door. They've been waitin' there since the week before. Who could ask for more? This is the life! You're dead for a real long time. You just can't prevent it. So if money can't buy happiness, I guess I'll have to rent it. Yeah, every day I make the front page news. No time to pay my dues. I got a million pairs of shoes. This is the life! I got a solid gold Cadillac. I make a fortune while I sleep. You can tell I'm a living legend, Not some ordinary creep. No way, I'm the boss. The Big Cheese. Yeah, I got this town on its knobby little knees. I can do just what I please. This is the life! That's right, I'm the king. Number One. I buy monogrammed Kleenex by the ton. I pay the bills, I call the shots, I grease the palms, I buy the yachts. One thing I can guarantee. The best things in life, they sure ain't free. It's such a thrill just to be me. This is the life! This is the life! @ALBUM: EVEN WORSE @SONG: Fat Your butt is wide, well mine is too. Just watch your mouth, or I'll sit on you. The word is out, better treat me right, Cause I'm the king of cellulite. Ham on ham on ham on whole wheat, all right. My zippers bust, my buckles break. I'm too much man for you to take. The pavement cracks when I fall down. I've got more chins than Chinatown. Well I've never used a phone booth, And I've never seen my toes. When I'm goin' to the movies I take up seven rows. Because I'm fat, I'm fat--come on. (Fat fat--really really fat) You know I'm fat, I'm fat--you know it. (Fat fat--really really fat) You know I'm fat, I'm fat--come on you know. (Fat fat--really really fat) Don'tcha call me pudgy, portly or stout. Just tell me once again: Who's fat? When I walk out to get my mail, It measures on the Richter scale. Down at the beach I'm a lucky man. I'm the only one who gets a tan. If I have one more pie a la mode I'm gonna need my own zip code. When you're only having seconds, I'm having twenty-thirds. When I go to get my shoes shined, I gotta take their word. Because I'm fat, I'm fat--come on. (Fat fat--really really fat) You know I'm fat, I'm fat--you know it. (Fat fat--really really fat) You know I'm fat, I'm fat--you know it you know. (Fat fat--really really fat) And my shadow weighs forty-two pounds. Lemme tell you once again who's fat. If you see me comin' your way, Better give me plenty space. If I tell you that I'm hungry, Then won't you feed my face. Because I'm fat, I'm fat--come on. (Fat fat--really really fat) You know I'm fat, I'm fat--you know it. (Fat fat--really really fat) You know I'm fat, I'm fat--you know it you know. (Fat fat--really really fat) Woo woo woo. When I sit around the house, I really sit around the house. You know I'm fat, I'm fat--come on. (Fat fat--really really fat) You know I'm fat, I'm fat--you know it, you know it. (Fat fat--really really fat) You know you know you know--come on. (Fat fat--really really fat) And you know all by myself I'm a crowd. Lemme tell you once again. You know I'm huge, I'm fat, you know it. (Fat fat--really really fat) You know I'm fat--you know, hoo. (Fat fat--really really fat) You know I'm fat, I'm fat--you know it, you know. (Fat fat--really really fat) And the whole world knoes I'm fat and I'm proud. Just tell me once again--who's fat? @SONG: Stuck In A Closet With Vanna White Doctor, every night I have the strangest dreams. Doctor, listen to me, tell me what this means. First I'm goin' shoppin' in my underwear, Then all of sudden I'm floating in mid air. My lips fall off and everybody starts to stare. Donuts and hot dogs are flying everywhere. Now Doctor, wait a minute, you ain't heard nothin' yet. Next comes the part that I won't ever forget. Now I'm bein' followed by these Russian spies. They give me some velcro, and an order of fries. Suddenly I'm bowling on the Starship Enterprise. I fall down a hole and that's when I realize chorus: I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White. I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White. Night after night after night after night. All right! Doctor, won't you tell me, am I going insane? Was it something I ate, or something wrong with my brain? See, I'm naked in church when I meet a dinosaur. Try to run, but my feet have been nailed to the floor. Then a midget pushes me through a revolving door, And I'm back in the very same place I was before. (chorus) And I can't bust out, and I can't break free. And it's gettin' just a little too stuffy here for me. And I can't go home, and I can't get loose, And I try to escape, but it's just no use. And I can't ever leave, and I can't ever win. And we're runnin' outta air, and the walls are closin' in. And I can't go back, and I can't get through. But Vanna, since you're here, why don't you let me buy a vowel from you? Come on Vanna, come on! Doctor, all those crazy dreams have started again. That's right, I even wake up screaming now and then. See, I'm coming home from work, but I forgot my address. I'm half an hour late for my algebra test. Then some slimy alien jumps out of my chest, And I'm falling and falling, and I guess you know the rest. (chorus repeated 4 times) @SONG: (This Song's Just) Six Words Long This song's just six words long This song's just six words long This song's just six words long This song's just six words long Couldn't think of any lyrics No, I never wrote the lyrics So I'll just sing any old lyrics That come to mind, child You really need words Whole lotta rhyming words You gotta rhyme so many words, mm... To do it, to do it, to do it, to do it To do it, to do it right, child This song's just six words long This song's just six words long This song's just six words long This song's just six words long I know that you're probably sore 'Cause I didn't write any more I just didn't get to complete it So that's why I gotta repeat it This song's just six words long (six words long) This song's just six words long (six words long) Oh I make a lotta money They pay me a ton of money They're payin' me plenty of money To sing this song, child I gotta fill time Three minutes worth of time Oh, how will I fill so much time? Mm... I'll throw in a solo, a solo, a solo A solo, a solo here This song's just six words long This song's just six words long This song's just six words long This song's just six words long This song's got nothing to say But I'm recording it anyway I know if I put my mind to it I know I could find a good rhyme here Oh, you gotta have-a music You need really catchy music This song has got plenty of music But just six words, child And so I'll sing 'em over And over and over and over, And over and over and over,mm... And over and over and over, And over and over and over again @SONG: You Make Me You make me wanna slam my head against the wall. You make me do the limbo. You make me wanna buy a slurpee at the mall. You make me watch the Gong Show. There's really something kinda strange about you, baby, but I can't exactly seem to put my finger on it. You make me, You make me, You make me. That's what you do to me. You make me wanna hide a weasel in my shorts. You make me wanna phone home. You make me wanna write a dozen book reports, Then pack myself in styrofoam. Sometimes you make me want to build a model of the Eiffel Tower out of Belgian waffles. You make me, You make me, You make me. That's what you do to me. That's what you do, That's what you do. That's what you do to me. You make me wanna hang out in a trailer park, Then take my hamster to the beach. You make me wanna do my laundry in the dark, And use a recommended bleach. When I'm with you, I don't know whether I should study neurosurgery or go to see the Care Bears movie. You make me, You make me, You make me. That's what you do to me. That's what you do, That's what you do. That's what you do to me. That's what you do to me, That's what you do to me. That's what you do to me. You make me wanna break the laws of time and space. You make me wanna eat pork. You make me wanna staple bagels to my face, Then remove 'em with a pitchfork. You know there's omething quite unusual about you, but I can't exactly seem to put my finger on it. @SONG: I Think I'm A Clone Now Isn't it strange...? Feels like I'm lookin' in the mirror What would people say...if only they knew that I was Part of some geneticist's plan Born to be a carbon copy man There in a petri dish late one night They took a donor's body cell and fertilized a human egg and so I say... I think I'm a clone now There's always two of me just a-hangin' around I think I'm a clone now 'Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down Look at the way...we go out walking close together I guess you could say...I'm really beside myself I still remember how it began They produced a carbon copy man Born in a science lab late one night Without a mother or a father Just a test tube and a womb with a view... I think I'm a clone now There's always two of me just a-hangin' around I think I'm a clone now 'Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down I think I'm a clone now And I can stay at home while I'm out of town I think I'm a clone now 'Cause every pair of genes is a hand-me-down Signing autographs for my fans Come and meet the carbon copy man Livin' in stereo, it's all right Well I can be my own best friend and I can send myself for pizza, so I say... I think I'm a clone now Another one of me's always hangin' around I think I'm a clone now 'Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down I think I'm a clone now I've been on Oprah Winfrey, I'm world renowned I think I'm a clone now And every pair of genes is a hand-me-down I think I'm a clone now Thats my genetic twin always hangin' around I think I'm a clone now 'Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down @SONG: Lasagna La-la-la-la-lasagna. You want-a some-a lasagna, magnifico, Or a-maybe spaghetti! Ay, you supper's a-ready now, where you go? Mama mia bambino! Mama mia bambino, 'samatta you? 'Samatta you, 'samatta you? You should-a taste my lasagna. Ay, you no like-a lasagna, That's okay too. How about-a calzone? Some-a nice minestrone, atsa good for you. Have-a some marinara. Have-a some marinara, I know-a you like. I know-a you like, I know-a you like. La-lasagna! La-lasagna! La-lasagna! Would you like some-a zucchini? Or-a my homemade linguini, it's hard-a to beat. Have-a more fettucini. Ay, you getting too skeeny, you gotta to eat. Ay, mange, mange! Ay, you-a pass the lasagna! A-don't you get any on ya, you sloppy peeg. Have-a more ravioli. You-a get roly poly, a-nice and-a beeg. Like you cousin Luigi. Luigi, Luigi, capisce paisan? Capisce paisan, capisce paisan? La-lasagna! La-lasagna! La-lasagna! La-lasagna! @SONG: Melanie chorus: Me-he-he-helanie, What can the problem be? Sweet Me-he-he-he-helanie, Why won't you go out with me? She lived across the street on the fifteenth floor of the Gilmore building. I saw her in the shower reaching for some soap. I knew she had to be the girl for me, and to think I probably never would have found her, If I hadn't bought that telescope. (chorus) I just can't understand it. Why won't you return my phone calls? Are you still mad I gave a mohawk to your cat? If you'd just say the word, I'm certain that our love would last forever and ever, Or are you too dumb to realize that? (chorus) How can you ignore me, when you know that I can't live without you? I have to go through your garbage just to learn more about you. Melanie, Oh sweet Me-he-he-helanie, Why won't you go out with me? You weren't impressed when I tattooed your name across my forehead. You wouldn't listen when I promised to be true. I couldn't stand it, so I jumped out from the sixteenth story window right above you. Now I may be dead but I still love you. (chorus repeated 5 times) @SONG: Alimony Here she come now, wants her alimony. Bleedin' me dry as a bony bony. Work at three jobs just to stay in debt now. Well first she took my nest egg, then she took the nest. I said yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 'Cause she took my house...my car, My shoes...and my toothbrush too. Too bad...so sad. A-she got...got the gift of grab. I'm in debt, debt, debt, debt, debt, debt. Lawyer's callin' me on the telephony. Tryin'-a squeeze-a blood from a stony stony. Ooh, I took her for better or for worse, yeah. Then she took me for everything, yeah everything She could get, get, get, get, get. Well I'm out of cash...no dough. I'm broke...it's no joke. The check's in the mail...get off My back...cut me some slack. I said yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. (Ooh, I want my almo-mo-mony) Oh you do? (Ooh, I want my almo-mo-mony) Is it due? (Ooh, I want my almo-mo-mony) Or you'll sue? (Ooh, I want my almo-mo-mony) Alimony, mony, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. @SONG: Velvet Elvis My life, it used to be incomplete, Till I saw what I was looking for at a drive-in swap meet. My life it won't be the same again. Now I'm proud to say the king lives on inside my den. Oh, it's all I live for, it's all I need. My velvet Elvis, My velvet Elvis. My velvet Elvis means the world to me. Although he may not be worth much dough, He means much more to me than some old Rembrandt or Van Gogh. Check out those sideburns, there is nothing greater. You can tell that he's no velvet Elvis imitator. It's all I live for, it's all I need. My velvet Elvis, My velvet Elvis. My velvet Elvis, Oh, now you can't you see, My velvet Elvis, My velvet Elvis, My velvet Elvis means the world to me. In my own private Graceland, In my own little shrine to the king, I don't want nothin' else. No, I don't need anything. Don't need no lava lamp, Don't need no soap on a rope, No pictures of Mexican kids with those really big eyes, Or dogs playing poker. When I'm at home watching my TV, I know the king is always looking down on me. He looks so handsome, he stands so tall, So glad he's big enough to cover up that hole in the wall. (Velvet Elvis) He's so fuzzy. (Velvet Elvis) He's so great. (Velvet Elvis) Never ages. (Velvet Elvis) Never puts on weight. (Velvet Elvis) Look at those rhinestones. (Velvet Elvis) He's just so fine. (Velvet Elvis) You can look but don't touch now. (Velvet Elvis) 'Cause he's mine all mine. @SONG: Twister Yeah! Well, Milton Bradley's got a def one. It's a Twister! (Twister! Twister! Twister!) Yeah, all the girls and homeboys Playin' Twister! (Twister! Twister! Twister!) Spin the spinner and call the shot. Twister ties you up in a knot. That's Twister. Yeah, Twister! Check it! Right foot blue! (Right foot blue!) Left hand red! (Left hand red!) Left! Right! Yellow! Blue! Green! Yeah, Twister! Now, everybody's chillin' With the Twister. (Twister!) Wherever things are illin', You'll find Twister! (Twister! Twister!) That's Twister. Yeah, Twister! Yeah buddy! You gotta get it. Yeah Twister! >From M.B.! @SONG: Good Old Days Oh some times I think back to when I was younger life was so much simpler then Dad would be up at dawn, he'd be watering the lawn or maybe going fishing again Oh and mom would be fixing up something in the kitchen fresh biscuits or hot apple pie and I'd spend all day long in the basement torturing rats with a hack-saw and pulling the wings off of flies Those were the good ol' days those were the good ol' days years go by, but the memories fade and those were the good ol' days I still remember good ol' Mr. Fender who ran the corner grocery store always strolled down the ailes with a big friendly smile and he'd say howdy when you walked through the door Always treated me nice, gave me kindly advice I don't know why I set fire to his place Oh I'll never forget the day I smashed in his head Oh you shoulda seen the look on his face let me tell ya 'bout it... CHORUS CHORUS Do you remember sweet Michele, she was my high school romance she was fun to talk to and nice to smell so I took her to the homecoming dance then I tied her to a chair and I shaved off all her hair and I left her in the desert all alone Oh sometimes in my dreams I can still hear the screams Oh I wander if she ever made it home.... I tell ya... CHORUS Author: 'Weird Al' Yankovic Album title: Polka Party Living With a Hernia All I do is grunt and groan Hurts me to walk anywhere Went to see my physician, Dr. Jones He took my trousers off, told me to cough Doctor says there ain't nothin' to discuss He tells me any day I might have to wear a truss Living with a hernia All the time, such aggravation Living with a hernia Gonna be my ruination Living with a hernia Got to have an operation Feel so old Too much bad pain Good gawd, drives me insane Can't run, barely crawl Got a bulge in my intestinal wall Walk real funny, bless my soul Can't play tennis and it's hard to bowl You can't even do the splits now...Better call it quits now I'm sick of all this dancin' anyhow Living with a hernia Hurts me bad in a tender location Living with a hernia Had enough humiliation Living with a hernia Got to have an operation I live with a hernia Can't get up, can't bend over Now I live with a hernia Wait a minute... You may not be familiar with the common types Of hernias that you could get So just settle down, let me clue you in There's incomplete Epigastric Bladder Strangulated Lumbar hernia Richter's hernia Obstructed Inguinal and Direct Living with a hernia...Rupture! I said it's causin' me such irritation Living with a hernia Have to have my medication Living with a hernia I feel bad! Dog Eat Dog Found a job in a great big office And I really love this place I got my very own Scotch tape dispenser And I got a private parking space...ha! And I got a coffe mug with my name right on it In big bold letters so everyone knows it's mine Don't even touch it, 'cause it doesn't belong to you I'm watching you, so don't get funny I'm climbing up, up the corporate ladder Watch out...It's dog eat dog Nose against the grindstone, it feels all right Watch out...Well, it's dog eat dog Here we go I love to watch my boss get angry So I can count the veins on his neck...ha! Every day is like a picnic Every Friday, get a check Well, do I smell jelly donuts? This is my lucky day! I'll have some coffee with a carcinogenic sweetener Hold on a minute, just one more jelly donut They'll never miss it...No, they'll never miss it! I'm climbing up, up the corporate ladder Watch out...Well, it's dog eat dog Nose against the grindstone, it feels all right Watch out...Hey! Well, it's dog eat dog Sometimes I can't believe this is all really happening Sometimes I can't believe that I'm really sitting here Sometimes I tell myself, "This is not my beautiful stapler!" Sometimes I tell myself, "This is not my beautiful chair!" Nobody's sure what I do here And that's just fine with me Five o'clock is here much too soon now 'Cause I just never wanna leave I can bend paper clips into the shapes of small animals Maybe I could get on David Letterman I think I made a big mistake Where's my liquid paper? Where's my liquid paper? I'm climbing up, way up the corporate ladder now Watch out...Well, it's dog eat dog Nose against the grindstone, it feels all right Better be careful now, it's dog eat dog Watch me work...Hey! Hey! Stand back now! Look out, mama, it's dog eat dog Nose against the grindstone, it feels real good Hey! Dog eat dog Addicted to Spuds Potato skins, potato cakes Hash browns and instant flakes Baked or boiled or french fried There's no kind you haven't tried You planned a trip to Idaho Just to watch potatoes grow I understand how you must feel I can't deny they've got a peel Wo, you like 'em whether they're plain or they're stuffed, oh yeah Better face the facts, it seems you can't get enough You know, you're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to spuds Your greasy hands, your salty lips Looks like you found the chips Your belly aches, your teeth grind Some tater tots would blow your mind And you don't mind if they're not cooked You need your fix, I guess you're hooked And late at night you always dream Of bacon bits and sour cream Wo, you like 'em even if they're lumpy or tough, oh yeah It's pretty obvious to me you can't get enough You know you're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to spuds Might as well face it, you're addicted to spuds Might as well face it, you're addicted to spuds Might as well face it, you're addicted to spuds Might as well face it, you're addicted to spuds Might as well face it, you're addicted to spuds I'm giving up, it's just no use Another case of spud abuse What can I say, what can I do Potato bug has got me, too Wo, I used to hate 'em, now they're all that I eat, oh yeah I've often seen 'em whipped, but they just can't be beat Now I'm gonna have to face it, I'm addicted to spuds One of Those Days Got to work late 'cause my alarm was busted The boss chewed me out and everybody's disgusted 'Cause it's just one of those days It's just one of those days I lost one of my socks in the drier I can't find my wallet and my hair is on fire Just one of those days It's just one of those days I just wrapped my Cadillac around a tree A big swarm of locusts is following me There's not even anything good on TV It's just one of those days It's just one of those days Left all my Beatles records out in the sun Got a Coke bottle stuck on the end of my tongue It's just one of those days Gonna be one of those days The Nazis tied me up and covered me with ants And I spilled toxic waste on my brand new pants Just one of those days Ever have one of those days? The bank called me up and told me I'm overdrawn Some freaks are burnin' crosses out on my front lawn And I can't believe it, all the Cheetos are gone! It just...just one of those, one of those days Just one of those, one of those days The F.B.I. has got a tap on my phone Those darn Russian spies won't leave me alone Shouldn't have got up this morning, shoulda known It's just one of those days It's just one of those days A 747 crashed into my den And there's nothin' but tater tots for dinner again It's just one of those days Never mind, it's just one of those days Big steamroller just ran over my mom And I cut myself shaving and they're dropping the bomb It's just one of those days That's all, it's just one of those days Then late at night, just before I go to bed The world blows up and now everybody's dead You just can't deny it, it's just like I said Just...just one of those, one of those days Just one of those days, one of those days Polka Party Contains music & lyrics from: Sledgehammer Sussudio Party All the TIme Say You, Say Me Freeway of Love What You Need Harlem Shuffle Venus Nasty Rock Me Amadeus Shout Papa Don't Preach Ear Booker Polka Here's Johnny There he goes, he drives me crazy When he says...(Hee-eere's Johnny!) That's his job, it's so amazing All he says is...(Hee-eere's Johnny!) I never miss a moment when he's on the tube His being there has made my life worth living The chills run down my spine Each time he says that line "Here's Johnny!" He says, and laughs in his special way "...Johnny!" he says, you know I love him "Here's Johnny!" he says, and "second fiddle" is his game Ed McMahon's his name...all right Dressed so fine, he's such a cool dude Hear him say...(Hee-eere's Johnny!) Watch him selling beer and dog food Hear him say...(Hee-eere's Johnny!) I got a letter from him just the other day He said, "You may already be a winner!" A trooper to the end A Clydesdale's best friend "Here's Johnny!" he says, and laughs in his special way "...Johnny!" he says, you know I love him "Here's Johnny!" he says, and that's the way he gets his pay What a living Oh...(Here's Johnny! Here's Johnny!) Wo-o-o, no (Here's Johnny! Here's Johnny!) No no no no no no, I don't believe it (Here's Johnny!) he says, and everytime it's just the same Ed McMahon's his name A very special guy...all right He's on every night Can't change the channel When he's sitting on the panel (Hee-eere's Johnny!) There he goes, he gives me goose bumps When he says...(Hey-O-Hey-Hey-O!) "Here's Johnny!" he says, and laughs in his special way "...Johnny!" he says, you know I love him "Here's Johnny!" he says, that seems to be his claim to fame Ed McMahon's his name Don't Wear Those Shoes I don't care If you wreck my car or shave off all my hair You can go And run your vacuum during my favorite show And I'll let you call up folks in Europe you don't even know Anything you want, babe, if it makes you happy But I'm begging you down on my bended knees Oh honey, please don't wear those shoes You can spend my money, you can waste my time Baby, I don't mind, but please don't wear those shoes Don't wear those shoes It's all right You can play your Twisted Sister every night I suppose You can lick the middles out of my Oreos Or start laughing while you're drinking milk so it comes out your nose And you know that I'd do anything to please you But I'm begging you down on my bended knees Oh honey, please don't wear those shoes You can spit in my face if you're so inclined Baby, I don't mind, but please don't wear those shoes Oh no, don't wear those shoes I said, oh no, oh no Oh no, please don't wear those... Use my razor to shave your legs or eat crackers in bed Stomp the poodle till it's flat You could even shove a six-inch railroad spike through my head I could learn to live with that But now I'm begging you down on my bended knees Oh honey, please don't wear those shoes You can whip me, beat me, rob me blind Baby I don't mind, but please don't wear those... I said, oh no, oh no, oh no, don't wear those shoes I said, oh no, oh no, oh no, don't wear those shoes You can scratch up my records, you can drink my booze But baby, please don't wear those shoes You can make me an offer I can't refuse But darling, please don't wear those shoes You can play your bongos while I'm trying to snooze But honey, please don't wear those shoes You can expose yourself on the six o'clock news But please, please don't wear those shoes Toothless People They only show you their gums when they smile Ain't got a tooth in their headsnow...how vile Only can eat things like pudding and applesauce They never have to buy toothpicks or dental floss Hey! Stand up! Toothless people...their breath is lethal, wanna tell you Hey...come on! Stand up...get on your feet! Toothless people...old and feeble, what I say No more of those pearly whites will they possess Their oral hygiene is frightful...a mess Lots of 'em suffering from trench mouth and gum disease At least they don't have to worry 'bout cavities Hey! Stand up...take out your teeth! Toothless people...old and feeble, oh yes You can brush 'em, you can floss 'em They're something you just can't ignore If you lose 'em, you're in trouble 'Cause the tooth fairy won't come no more You need something to show your dentist The next time he makes you say "ahh..." You don't wanna have to wind up Eating all of your food through a straw Like toothless people Toothless people...you'd better brush your teeth now Hey...toothless, toothless, toothless, toothless people Good Enough for Now Oh, I couldn't live a single day without you Actually, on second thought, well, I suppose I could Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, honey, you're the greatest Well, at any rate, I guess you're...pretty good Now, it seems to me I'm relatively lucky I know I probably couldn't ask for too much more I honestly can say you're an above-average lady You're almost just what I've been looking for You're sort of everything I've ever wanted You're not perfect, but I love you anyhow You're the woman that I've always dreamed of Well, not really...but you're good enough for now You're pretty close to what I've always hoped for That's why my love for you is fairly strong And I swear I'm never gonna leave you, darlin' At least 'til something better comes along 'Cause you're sort of everything I've ever wanted You're not perfect, but I love you anyhow You're the woman that I've always dreamed of Well, not really...but you're good enough for now No, not really...but you're good enough for now Christmas at Ground Zero It's Christmas at Ground Zero There's music in the air The sleigh bells are ringin' and the carolers are singin' While the air raid sirens blare It's Christmas at Ground Zero The button has been pressed The radio just let us know That "This is not a test..." Everywhere the atom bombs are droppin' It's the end of all humanity No more time for last minute shoppin' It's time to face your final destiny Well, it's Christmas at Ground Zero There's panic in the crowd We can dodge debris while we trim the tree Underneath a mushroom cloud You might hear some reindeer on your rooftop Or Jack Frost on your windowsill But if someone's climbin' down your chimney You better load your gun and shoot to kill Oh, it's Christmas at Ground Zero And if the radiation level's okay I'll go out with you and see the all new Mutations on New Year's Day It's Christmas at Ground Zero Just secondsleft to go I'll duck and cover with my yuletide lover Underneath the mistletoe It's Christmas at Ground Zero Now the missles are on their way What a crazy fluke we're gonna get nuked On this jolly holiday What a crazy fluke we're gonna get nuked On this jolly holiday @ALBUM: Off the Deep End Artists: "Weird Al" Yankovic 1992 Scotti Bros. Records ------------------------------------------ @SONG: Smells Like Nirvana (Kurt Cobain/Nirvana/Al Yankovic) What is this song all about? Can't figure any lyrics out How do the words to it go? I wish you'd tell me, I don't know Don't know, don't know, don't know, oh no Dnn't know, don't know, don't know CHORUS Now I'm mumblin' and I'm screamin' And I don't know what I'm singin' Crank the volume, ears are bleedin' I still don't know what I'm singin' We're so loud and incoherent Boy this oughtta bug your parents Yeah It's unintelligibale I just can't get it through my skull It's hard bargle nawdle zouss(?) With all these marbles in my mouth Don't know, don't know, don't know, oh no Don't know, don't know, don't know... CHORUS Well we don't sound like Madonna Here we aare now, we're Nirvana Sing distinctly? We don't wanna Buy our album, we're Nirvana A garage band from Seattle Well, it sure beats raising cattle Yeah And I forgot the next verse Oh well, I guess it pays to rehearse The lyric sheet's so hard to find What are the words? Oh, nevermind Don't know, don't know, don't know, oh no Don't know, don't know don't know... CHORUS Well, I'm yellin' and we're playin' But I don't know what I'm sayin' What's the message I'm conveyin'? Can you tell me what I'm sayin'? So have you got some idea? Didin't think so-Well, I'll see ya Sayonara, sayonara Ayonawa, adinawa Odinaya, yodinaya Yaddayadda, yaaahyaaah Ayaaaaah! ------------------------------------------------- @SONG: Trigger Happy (Al Yankovic) Got an AK-47, well you know it makes me feel all right Got an Uzi by my pillow, helps me sleep a little better At night There's no feeling any greater Than to shoot first and ask q questions later Now I'm trigger happy, trigger happy every day Well you can't take my guns away, I got a Constitutional right Yeah, I gotta be ready if the commies attack us tonight I'll blow their brains out with my Smith and Wesson That out to teach 'em all a darn good lesson Now I'm trigger happy, trigger happy every day CHORUS Oh yeah, I'm trigger, trigger happy Yes, I'm trigger, trigger happy (Oh baby, I'm) trigger, trigger happy Yes, I'm trigger, trigger happy (Oh, I'm so) trigger, trigger happy Yes, I'm trigger, trigger happy Better watch out, punk, or I'm gonna have To blow you away Oh, I accidentally shot Daddy last night in the den I mistook him in the dark for a drug-crazed Nazi again Now why'd you have to get so mad? It's just a lousy flesh wound, Dad You know I'm trigger happy, trigger happy every day Oh, I still haven't figured out the safety on my rifle yet Little Fluffy tooka round, better take him to the vet I filled that kitty cat so full of lead We'll have to use him for a pencil instead Well, I'm trigger happy, trigger happy every day CHORUS Come on and grab your ammo What have you got to lose? We'll all get liquored up And shoot at anything that moves Got a brand new semi-automatic weapon with a laser sight Oh, I'm prain' somebody tries to break in here tonight I alwaays keep a Magnum in my trunk You better ask yourself, do you feel lucky, punk? Because I'm trigger happy, trigger happy every day CHORUS -------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: I Can't Watch This (James/Miller/Hammer/Al Yankovic) I can't watch this. I can't watch this I can't watch this. I can't watch this My my my my TV makes me so bored Makes me say oh my Lord What is this garbage here? Wanna cover my eyes and plug my ears It sucks, and that's no lie It's about as much fun as watching paint dry Lowers my IQ one notch And that's the reason why, uh, I can't watch I told you homeboy...I can't watch this Yeah, nothin' but trash and you know I can't watch this Poke out my eyes, man...I can't watch this Yo, gimme that remote control...I can't watch this Talkin' bout sick shows There's America's Funniest Home Videos I can't believe my eyes When I see the kind of stuff that wins first prize Somebody's poor old mom Falls down off the roof, lands right on the lawn Face first on a rake I hear they got it on the seventeenth take That's funny as a kick in the crotch And that kinda show, uh, I can't watch Yo, I told you...I can't watch this Change the channel now, man...I can't watch this Yo, pass the TV Guide over here, sucker...I can't watch this Cosby show and Roseanne Think I've taken 'bout as much as I can JUdge Wopner, oh my You gotta be Rainman to like this guy Thirtysomething's all right If you like hearing yuppies whining all night Can't stand Twin Peaks Wish they'd lynch those donut-eatin' freaks Those Siskel and Ebert bums Oughtta go home and just sit on their thumbs That's word because you now...I can't watch this I can't watch this Break it down! Here's how to order money back guarantee Removes tough stains fast it tastes more like fresh Peanuts they keep going and going don't hate me Because I'm beautiful could be dandruff our prices Are insaaaane!!! Stop! Prime time! I'm pretty sure I'll be sick If I have to watch another stupid pet trick Or that guy with the real flat hair That goes "woof woof woof" and waves His fist in the air Or those weird talk shows About transsexual Nazi Eskimos They're rude, and crude and vile Just for a minute let's flip down the dial Flip, flip, flip...yecch, I can't watch this Look, man, I can't watch this I can't take this torture no more, I can't I can't watch this Pay the bills, station break Break it down! Operators are standing by cubic zirconium Necklace you're soaking in it and our fabulous Swimsuit issue when you've got a headache this Big read the book this is your brain on drugs I've Fallen and I can't get up!!! Stop! Cable time! HBO and Playboy, Showtime and MTV I might like them more after my lobotomy Now why did I ever pay for this junk? I hooked up eighty channels, and each one stunk Just brainless blood and guts, and mindless T & A It's awful, it's putrid, it's crummy, it's stupid, gonna Throw my set away I can't watch this, I can't watch this I can't watch this, yeah...I can't watch this I told you...can't watch this Too hip, can't watch this Get me outta here...can't watch this -------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: Polka Your Eyes Out (Arr. by Al Yankovic) Rock the cradle of love Rock the cradle of love Yes, the cradle of love Don't rock easy, it's true Rock the cradle of love I rocked the cradle of love Yes, the cradle of love Don't rock easy, it's true Doo doo doo doo doo doodooo doo doo doo doo doo Doo doodoo doo (doo doo doo doo doo doodooo doo doo doo doo doo Doo doodoo doo) The Love Shack is a little old place where We can get together Love Shack, baby (Love Shack, baby, Love Shack) Hey! Pump up the jam (hey!) Pump up the jam (hey!) Pump up the jam, pump it up! That's me in the coner That's me in the spotlight Losing my religions Trying to keep a view And I don't know if I can do it Oh no, I've said too much I haven't said enough The things you say Your purple prose just gives you away The things you say You're unbelievable (Oh!) Do me, baby, do me, baby You can do me in the morning, you can Do me in the night You can do me when you wanna do me Yodalodaladyhoo! Exit light Enter night Take my hand Off to never never land The Humpty Dance your chance to do the Hump Do me, baby Do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump Do me, baby Do the Humpty, Hump, come on and do the Humpty Hump She's my cherry pie Put a smile on yorur face ten miles wide Look so good, make a grown man cry Sweet cherry pie-yi-yi Woo! Drum solo! I miss you much (M-O-I miss youou much) I really miss you mcuh (M-I-S-S you much) I miss you much (M-O-I miss you much) I really miss you much Hey, I don't want anybody else When I think about you I touch myself Oh, I don't want anybody else Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no He's the one they call Dr. Feelgood He's the one that makes you feel all right He's the one they call Dr. Feelgood He's gonna be your Frankenstein Let's kick it! If you gota problem, (yo!) I'll solve it Check out the beat while the DJ revolves it Ice ice baby Ice ice baby...Word to your mother! Ice ice baby Ice ice baby, forever I'll be your ice...ice...baby! Hey! ---------------------------------------------------- @SONG: I Was Only Kidding (Al Yankovic) When I said I'd be faithful When I promised I'd be true When I swore that I could never Be with anyone but you When I told you that I loved you With those tender words I spoke I was only kidding Now, can't you take a joke? When I said that I need you, baby When I told you I really care When I said that I can't live without you When I said I'd follow you anywhere When I said you could always trust me When I said I'd never leave you flat Well, gues what? I was only kidding, baby I can('t belieeeeeve you fell for that! You're so gullible... CHORUS (I was only kidding) I was only kidding (I was only kidding) I was only kidding I was only kidding Now I'm sorry if you misunderstood, but the fact remains (I was only kidding) I was only kidding (I was only kidding) I was only kidding Well I guess I got you pretty good, now listen When I said that I love you baby >From the very bottom of my heart When I said that I miss you so baby Every second that we're apart When I sore that you're just getting more and more Beautiful every day Well, I was only kidding, honey Whaat's that matter with you anyway? Let me tell you something CHORUS+ Well I guess it probably hurts you a bit, But you gotta know I really love you...NOT! When I said you oughtta marry me When I said that we should settle down Well, I was pullin' your leg there, honey I was just foolin' around You see, I-I never meant to upset you, darlin' I never meant to hurt anyone I was only kidding, baby Why don't you just put down that gun? Let's talk this over CHORUS+ Watch where you're pointing that thing! Hey, I'm sorry if your heart is broke You gotta realize CHORUS ------------------------------------------------------ @SONG: The White Stuff (M. Starr/Al Yankovic) The white stuff...the white stuff The first one was a sweet one Second one was a blast Soon I finished off the bag, ate 'em up real fast You can see 'em in my teeth Tell it when I talk Had so many my pancreas just went into shock CHORUS I love the white stuff baby In the middle of an Oreo I love the white stuff baby It's the most delicious thing I know I've had a zillion or two In my life, they're so right My teeth are all rotted clear thruough But who cares? Whaat else am I supposed to do? CHORUS 2 Oh oh oh oh oh, oh Oreo Oh oh oh oh oh, the white stuff Oh oh oh oh oh, oh Oreo What's in the middle? The white stuff The first time that I tried it Got a big sugar buzz Nothing ets me high as that sandwich cookie does But I love the filling most I rub it on my roast Mix it in with my coffee and spread it on my toast CHORUS Might get a pimple or two Well, so what? It's all right Now Twinkies and Ding Dongs won't do All I need...You know what it is CHORUS 2 ------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: When I Was Your Age (Al Yankovic) Let me tell you, sonny...let me set you straight You kids today ain't never had it rough Always had everything handed to you on a silver plate You lazy brats think nothng's good enough Well, nobody ever drove me to school when it was Ninety degrees below We had to walk butt naked through forty miles of snow Worked in the coal mine twenty two hours a day for Just half a cent Had to sell my internal organs just to pay the rent CHORUS When I was your age. When I was your age When I was your age. When I was your age Let me tell you something, you whiny little snot There's somethng wrong with all you kids today You just don't appreciate all the things you've got We were hungry, broke and miserable and we liked it Fine that way There were seventy three of us living in a cardboard box All I got for Christmas was a lousy bag of rocks Every night for dinner we had a big chunk of dirt If we were really good we didn't get dessert CHORUS Didn't have no telephone didn't have no FAX machine All we had was a couple of cans and a crummy piece of string Didn't have no swimming pool when I was just a lad Our neighbor's septic tank was the closest thing we had Didn't have no dental floss had to use old rusty nails Didn't have Nintendo, we just poured salt on snails Didn't have no water bed, had to sleep on broken glass Didn't have no lawnmower, we used our teeth to cut the grass What's the matter now, sonny, you say you don't Believe this junk? You think my story's wearin' kinda thin? I tell you one thing, I never was such a disrespectful punk Back in my time, we had a thing called discipline Dad would whoop us every night till a quarter after twelve Then he'd get too tired and he'd make us whoop ourselves Then he'd chop me into pieces and play frisbee with my brain And let me tell ya, Junior, you never heard me complain CHORUS ---------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: Taco Grande (G. Mejia/C. C. Warren/Al Yankovic) Taco...grande Taco...grande Yo quero chimichangas y chile colorado Yo tengo el dinero para un steak picado Las flautas y tamale, siempre muy bueno Y el chile relleno You see, I just gotta have a tostada, carne asada That's right, I want the whole enchilada My only addiction has to do with flour tortilla I need a quesadilla I love to stuff my face with tacos al carbon With my friends or when I'm all alone Yo tengo mucho hambre y ahora lo quiero Un burrito ranchero So give me something spicy and hot now Break out the menu, what you go, now? Oh, would you tell the waiter I'd like to have Sour cream on the side You better make sure the beans are refried Taco...grande Taco...grande Well there's not a taco big enough for a man like me That's why I order two or three Let me give you a tip, just try a nacho chip It's really good with bean dip I eat uno, dos, tres, quatro burritos Pretty soon I can't fit in my Speedos Well, I hope they feed us lots of chicken fajitas And a pitcher of margaritas Well the combination plates al come with beans and rice The taquitos here are very nice Now I'm down on my knees, we need some extra Tomatoes and cheese And could you make that separate checks, please? Taco...grande Taco...grande Well the food is coming I can hardly wait Now watch your fingers, careful hot plate! What you think you're doing with my chili con queso? Well, if you want some, just say so Oh boy, pico de gallo They sure don't make it like this in Ohio No gracias, yo quiero jalapenos, nada mas You can toss away the hot sauce Donde estan los nachos? Holy frijole! You better get me a bowl of guacamole Y usted, Eugene? Wh's your face turning green? Don't you like pinto beans? You want some more cinnamon crispas? If you don't, hasta la vista Just take the rest home in a doggie bag if you wanna You can finish it manana Well, it's been a pleasure, I can't eat no more Senor, la cuenta, por favor If you ain't ever tried real Mexican cooking, well, you Oughtta Just don't drink the water Taco...grande Taco...grande Taco...grande Taco...grande --------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: Airline Amy (Al Yankovic) Met this pretty young stewardess on a non-stop flight She showed me to my seat and it was love at first sight Now lately I've been flying to all kinds of places That I never really wanted to go 'Cause I'll do anything just to spend a little time With the cutest flight attendant I know CHORUS You set my ever-lovin' heart on fire, Airline Amy Tell me I'm your favorite frequent flier, Airline Amy Found a little piece of heaven on a 747 And no one else can take me higher than Airline Amy Every one of our dates is at thirty thousand feet She always points out the exits to me, she's so sweet You know she gets me my headphones for free Refills my coffee cup whenever I ask And you gotta admit my baby looks pretty hot When she ain't wearin' that oxygen mask CHORUS amy, darlin', don't you know, you really drive me nuts Every time you're handing out those honey roasted peanuts Airline Amy, this is my new mission Gotta get you in an upright locked position CHORUS -------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: The Plumbing Song (F. Farian/B. Nail/D. Warren/A. Yankovic) Baby, I sure wish I could lend you a hand But plumbing's one thing I don't understand It's true (haven't got a clue) B-b-b-baby, I can tell you've got a big problem When I flush the john, then your shower goes on (Baby) Now watcha gonna do? If Drano's a joke and your plunger is broke Baby, call the mensch with the monkey wrench (Baby) He'll be there for you Shower's backing up (up, up)? Water won't go down (down, down)? Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba baby Don't forget my plumber Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba baby Sink's been plugged up all summer Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba baby Better call the plumber He'll know what to do Pipes been blowing up Pipes been breaking down And the carpet's soaked...right through Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba ba Ba ba ba ba ba kitchen's flooded, too Ba ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba ba Ba ba ba ba ba, girl, you know it's true B-b-b-betchat this guy makes more than my lawyer If he works for one day, costs you half a year's pay (Baby) He can be here by 2:00 So if you've got cash, he'll be there in a flash Makin' service calls in his overalls (Baby) He'll do his best for you Sewer's backing up (up, up)? Got you feelin' down (down, down)? Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba baby Don't forget my plumber Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba baby Leaky pipes are a bummer Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba baby Time to call the plumber Maybe call a few Gota problem with plumbing? Gotta blame it on something Blame it on the drain that was cloggin', cloggin' Blame it on the faucet that drips all night If hairballs, grease a goo Won't let the water through Blame it on the drain, yeah, yeah When I flush the john, now when I flush the john It turns the shower on (Roto-Rooter 6-5000) Ba ba ba ba baby Baby call my plumber He'll know what to do -------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: You Don't Love Me Anymore (Al Yankovic) We've been together r for so long But now things are changing, oh I wonder what's wrong? Seems you don't want me around The passion is gone and the flame's died down I guess I lost a little bit of self-esteem That time that you made it with the whole hockey team You used to think I was nice Now you tell all your friends that I'm the Antichrist Oh, why did you disconnect the brakes on my car? That kind of thing is hard to ignore Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore I knew that we were having problems when You put those piranhas in my bathtub again You're still the light of my life Oh darling, I'm beggin', won't you put down that knife? You know, I even think it's kinda cute the way You poison my coffee just a little each day I still remember the way that you laughed When you pushed me down the elevator shaft Oh, if you don't mind me asking, what's this poisonous cobra Doing in my underwear drawer? Sometimes I get to thinking you don't love me anymore You slammed my face down on the barbecue grill Now my scars are all healing, but my heart never will You set my house on fire You pulled out my chest hairs with an old pair of pliers Oh, you think I'm ugly and you say I'm cheap You shaved off my eyebrows while I was asleep You drilled a hol in my head Then you dumped me in a drainage ditch and left me for dead Oh, you know this really isn't like you at all You never acted this way before Honey, something tells me you don't love me Anymore, oh no no Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore @ALBUM: UHF @SONG: Money For Nothing/Beverly Hillbillies Beverly. Beverly Hillbillies. Now, looka here, people, listen to my story, A little story 'bout a man named Jed. You know somethin', that poor mountaineer, They say he barely kept his family fed. Now lemme tell ya, one day he was shootin'. Ol' Jed was shootin' at some food. When all of a sudden, right up from the ground there, Well, there came a bubblin' crude. Oil, that is. Well, maybe you call it Black gold or Texas tea. He gonna move next to Mr. Drysdale, And be a Beverly Hillbilly. Before you know it, all the kinfolk are a-sayin', Yeah, Buddy, move away from there. That litle Clampett got his own cee-ment pond. That little Clampett, he's a millionaire. Now everyone said Californy Is the place that you oughta be. We got to load up this here truck now. We got to move to Beverly. Hills, that is. Swimmin' pools, Move-a-move-a-movie stars. Huh, looka that looka that. (beverly, beverly, beverly hillbilly) Y'all come back now, hear? (beverly, beverly, beverly hillbilly) (beverly, beverly, beverly hillbilly) @SONG: Gandhi II Next week, on U-62, he's back! And this time, he's mad. Gandhi II! No more Mr. Passive Resistance. He's out to kick some butt. This is one bad mother. You don't want to mess with him. "Don't move, slimeball." He's a one-man wrecking crew. But he also knows how to party. "Gimme a stick. Gimme a rare." There is only one law--his law. Gandhi II! @SONG: Attack Of The Radioactive Hamsters From A Planet Near Mars They showed up on my doorstep Just a couple weeks ago. They looked so sweet and harmless. Tell me, how was I to know? They got a little too close to the microwave, And then much to my surprise, They grew to forty thousand times their original size. They started mutatin' right before my eyes, oh my. Attack of the Radioactive Hamsters from a planet near Mars. A race from a distant place, they came in UFO's shaped just like Cuban cigars. Man, oh man, you oughta hear 'em squeal. Now the whole wide world is their exercise wheel. Attack of the Radioactive Hamsters from a planet near Mars. The president, he's in a panic. The Pentagon, they're in shock. There's a team of research scientists. They got 'em workin' 'round the clock. Now the National Guard is out in my backyard, And the Marines will be comin' around. I hope they get these lousy rodents out of my town, 'Cause the property values are goin' way down, now. Attack of the Radioactive Hamsters from a planet near Mars. They're back and they're lookin' for a snack, and they're not that fond of Burger Kings or salad bars. I hope they're not plannin' to stay. Who invited them here anyway? Attack of the Radioactive Hamsters from a planet near Mars. Well well, look at that hamster, he's as big as a blimp, And there's one the size of Central Park. They're usin' telephone poles to pick their teeth. They're evil and nasty, and they glow in the dark. Well don't waste any more of your bullets, boys. You know it just makes 'em mad when you shoot. They're gonna stomp us into jelly, and conquer the world. But you gotta admit, they're really kinda cute now. Attack of the Radioactive Hamsters from a planet near Mars. What a racket they're makin', Jack, they keep me up at night playin' their electric guitars. Listen to 'em squeal. They think the whole stinkin' world is their exercise wheel. Attack of the Radioactive Hamsters from a planet near Mars. Hey, Jack, you better watch your back, here come those Hamsters from a planet near Mars. Well, well, it's called the Attack of the Radioactive Hamsters >From a planet, A planet near Mars. @SONG: Isle Thing Met this fine young thing at the local Circle K. She made a date for a half past eight, and I said, "What the hey." So I journeyed to her crib, and I let myself inside. That chick was slouched down on the couch. I think her brain was fried. Couldn't figure it out, she wouldn't even look at me. Then I saw her eyes, she was hypnotized. Cold glued to her TV. Said, "What's your problem, baby doll? Let's have a little fling." She said, "Hey, you fool, now just be cool. I'm watchin' that Gilligan's Isle Thing." Isle Thing. Isle Thing. Watchin' all night. Must've been a marathon. I was bummin', those shows kept comin'. Here's what was goin' on. These castaways were stranded on this island out at sea. One of 'em called Gilligan said, "Let's name it after me!" He'd mess up every rescue. Man, that first mate was illin'. If I was one of them castaways, I think I'd probably kill him. Just about that time, the telephone began to ring. She said, "Just let it, my machine'll get it. We're watchin' the Gilligan's Isle Thing." Isle Thing. She loves that Gilligan's Isle Thing. Isle Thing. Please, baby baby, please. I liked the professor. He always saved their butts. He could build a nuclear reactor from a couple of coconuts. She said, "That guy's a genius." I shook my head and laughed. I said, "If he's so fly, then tell me why he couldn't build a lousy raft? And while we're on the subject, I'll tell you one thing for sure. Those homeboys brought an awful lot for just a three-hour tour." Then her mom came in the room. It was kind of embarrassing. She said, "Hey, you two, I was once like you, And I love that Gilligan's Isle Thing." Isle Thing. She'd watch that Gilligan's Isle Thing. Please, baby baby, please. Skipper's in a hammock. He's lookin' kinda fat. He'd throw a fit and then he'd hit ol' Gilligan with his hat. Mrs. Howell got it goin' on, but Mr. Howell was meaner. Ginger and Mary Ann could've used some funky cold medina. I was really diggin' this show. I didn't know what to do. It kinda looked like I was hooked. Now I'm an addict too. I know each episode by heart. Now I'm the Rerun King. And on every date we both say up late, And watch the Gilligan's Isle Thing. Isle Thing. Hasta la vista, Little Buddy. Gilligan's Isle Thing. @SONG: The Hot Rocks Polka If I could stick my hand in my heart, Spill it all over the stage, Would it satisfy you, would it slide on by you, Would you think the boy is strange? Ain't it stra-a-ange, If I could win, if I could sing A love song so divine, Would it be enough for your cheating heart If I broke down and cried? If I cri-i-ied? I said ah, no, it's only rock 'n' roll, but I like it. Ah, no, it's only rock 'n' roll, but I like it, like it, yes I do. I really really really really do do do do do, hey! Gold coast slave ship bound for cotton fields, Sold in a market down in New Orleans. Scarred old slaver, know he's doing all right. Hear him with the women just around midnight. Brown sugar! How come you taste so good? Brown sugar! Just like a young girl should. I saw her today at the reception. A glass of wine in her hand. I knew she would meet her connection. At her feet was a footloose man. You can't always get what you want. You can't always get what you want. You can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you might find You get what you need. You need honky tonk women. Gimme gimme gimme the honky tonk blues. Under my thumb, the girl who once had me down. Under my thumb, the girl who once pushed me around. It's down to me, yes it is. The way she talks when she's spoken to. Down to me, the change has come, she's under my thumb. So goodbye, Ruby Tuesday. Who could hang a name on you? When you change with every new day. Still, I'm gonna miss you. Hoo-oo hoo-oo hoo-oo, hoo-oo hoo-oo hoo-oo, hoo-oo hoo-oo. Hoo-oo hoo-oo hoo-oo, hoo-oo hoo-oo hoo-oo, hoo-oo hoo-oo. Please allow me to introduce myself. I'm a man of wealth and taste. I've been around for a long, long year, Stole many a man's soul and faith. Pleased to meet you, hope you guessed my name, 'Cause what's puzzling you is the nature of my game. I said hey (hey) you (you) get off of my cloud. Hey (hey) you (you) get off of my cloud. Hey (hey) you (you) get off of my cloud. Don't hang around, 'cause two's a crowd. (Shadoobie, shattered.) (Shadoobie, shattered.) Laughter, joy and loneliness and sex and sex and sex and sex. Look at me, I'm in tatters. (Shadoobie, shattered.) I'm shattered, (Shadoobie, shattered.) This doesn't happen to me every day, wo my. (Let's spend the night together) No excuses offered anyway, oh my. (Let's spend the night together) I'll satisfy your every need. (Every need) And now I know you'll satisfy me. My my my my my my my my my. Let's spend the night together. Now I need you more than ever. Let's spend the night together. Now. I can't get no satisfaction. I can't get no girly action, 'Cause I've tried (and I've tried) and I've tried (and I've tried) And I've tried (and I've tried) and I've tried (and I've tried) I can't get no I can't get no I...can't...get...no... Satisfaction. Satisfaction. Satisfaction. Hey! @SONG: UHF Put down your remote control, throw out your TV guide. Put away your jacket, there's no need to go outside. Don't you know that we control the horizontal. We control the vertical, too. We gonna make a couch potato out of you. That's what we're goin' to do, now. Don't change the channel, don't touch that dial. We got it all on UHF. Kick off your sneakers 'n' stick around for awhile. We got it all on UHF. Don't worry 'bout your laundry, forget about your job. Just crank up the volume and yank off the knob. We got it all, we got it all on UHF. Disconnect the phone, now, leave the dishes in the sink. You better put away your homework, prime time ain't no time to think. All you do is make yourself a TV dinner. Press your face right up against the screen. We gonna show you things you ain't ever seen. If you know what I mean, now. Don't change the channel, don't touch that dial. We got it all on UHF. Kick off your sneakers 'n' stick around for awhile. We got it all on UHF. Don't worry 'bout your laundry, forget about your job. Just crank up your volume and yank off your knob. We got it all, we got it all on UHF. You can watch us all day, you can watch us all night. You can watch us any time that you please. You can sit around and stare at the picture tube Till your brain turns to cottage cheese. Well, now, don't change the channel, don't touch that dial. We got it all on UHF. Kick off your sneakers 'n' stick around for awhile. We got it all on UHF. Don't worry 'bout your laundry, forget about your job. You gotta crank up the volume, yank off the knob. We got it all, we got it all on UHF. @SONG: Let Me Be Your Hog Let me be your hog Let me be your hog now Oh, babe, baby baby baby baby Baby baby baby baby @SONG: She Drives Like Crazy Where'd you learn how to steer? You do eighty in second gear. When you drive, I can't relax. Got your license from Cracker Jacks. You just hit another tree. These fender benders are killin' me. She drives like crazy. Like no one else. She drives like crazy. And I'm afraid for myself. They'll put you behind bars. We're not playin' bumper cars. Did a great figure eight In the middle of the Interstate. Tires squeal wherever we go. Even hitchhikers just say no. She drives like crazy. Her car's a mess. She drives like crazy. She's got a death wish, I guess. She's a demon behind the wheel. Thinks she's drivin' the Batmobile. Burnin' rubber in school zones. Runnin' over traffic cones. Passin' semis on the right. Now my knuckles are turnin' white. She drives like crazy. She'll break our necks. She drives like crazy. She always gets into wrecks. She drives like crazy. Like no one else. She drives like crazy. Now I'm afraid for myself. @SONG: Generic Blues I woke up this mornin', Then I went back to bed. Said I woke up this mornin', Then I went right back to bed. Got a funny kinda feelin', Like I got broken glass in my underwear, And a herd of wild pigs is tryin' to chew off my head. You know what I'm sayin'? Well, I ain't got no money, I'm just walkin' down the road. Said I ain't got no money, honey, So I'm just walkin' down this lonely old road. Well, I wish I could get me some money, But I forgot my automated teller code. I was born in a paper sack, in the bottom of a sewer. I had to eat dirt clods for breakfast, my family was so poor, My daddy was a waitress, my mama sold bathroom tile. My brothers and sisters all hated me,'cause I was an only child. I got the blues so bad. Kinda wish I was dead. Maybe I'll blow my brains out, mama. Or maybe I'll, yeah, maybe I'll just go bowlin' instead. I'm just a no-good, scum-sucking, nose-picking, boot-licking, snivelling, grovelling worthless hunk of slime. Nothin' but a low-down, beer-bellied, bone-headed, pigeon-toed, turkey-necked, weasel-faced worthless hunk of slime. I guess I've got a pretty low self-image, maybe it's a chemical imbalance or something. I should probably go and see a doctor about it when I've got the time. Aw, make it talk, son, make it talk. Okay, now make it shut up. Plagues and famine and pestilence always seem to get me down. I always feel so miserable whenever I'm around. I wish somebody would come along, stick a pitchfork through my brain. I'd flush myself right down the toilet, but I'd just clog up the drain. I got the blues so bad, Kinda wish I was dead. Maybe I'll blow my brains out, mama, Or maybe I'll go bowling. Or I just might go bowling. Maybe I'll just rent some shoes and go bowling. Maybe I'll join a league, enter a tournament, put on a stupid-lookin' shirt and go bowling, Instead. @SONG: Spatula City There's just one place to go for all your spatula needs: Spatula City! Spatula City! A giant warehouse of spatulas for every occasion. Thousands to choose from, in every shape, size and color. And because we eliminate the middle man, We can sell factory direct to you. Where do you go when you want to buy name brand spatulas at a fraction of retail cost? Spatula City! Spatula City! And this weekend only, take advantage of our special liquidation sale. Buy nine spatulas, get the tenth for just one penny. Don't forget, they make great Christmas presents. And what better way to say, "I Love You" than with the gift of a spatula. Spatula City! Spatula City! "Hello, this is Si Greemsley, president of Spatula City. I liked their spatulas so much, I bought the company." Spatual City! Seven locations. We're in the Yellow Pages under spatulas. "My, where did you get that lovely spatula?" Spatula City. We sell spatulas, and that's all!" @SONG: Spam Spam in the place where I live. (ham and pork) Think about nutrition, wonder what's inside it now. (oh boy) Spam in my lunchbox at work. (it's the best) Really makes a darn good sandwich, any way you slice it at all. If you're running low, go to the store. Carry some money to help you buy more. The tab is there to open the can. The can is there to hold in the spam. Oh, spam on the table at home. (ham and pork) Think about selection, are there different flavors now. (let's eat) Spam in my office at work. (it's the best) Think about the stuff it's made from, wonder if it's mystery meat. If you need a spoon, keep one around. Carry a thermos to help wash it down. Now if there's some left, don't just throw it out. Use it for spackle or bathroom grout, now. Spam in my pantry at home. (have some more) Think of expiration, better read the label now. (oh boy) Spam breakfast, dinner or lunch. (it's the best) Think about how it's been pre-cooked, wonder if I'll just eat it cold. Now once you start in, you can't put it down.