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Writings > How to Disappear

21 Mar 2004

This details the series of events following the breakup with my girlfriend. It was more for me than her, but I imagine it to be helpful to everyone. It's not a physical disappearance thing, per se, but more of a "disavowing the fact that you ever knew eachother, much less had a relationship" thing.

So you and that someone just went through a rough breakup and one of you is having trouble coming to grips with that fact?

Do you miss them so much that it keeps you from getting work done?

Then make yourself disappear! After you disappear, you'll stop thinking about that person and you can get things done. A bit of warning, though: this won't make you happy, it just enables you to stop dwelling on the subject.

The geek's disappearance guide...

  1. Do not try to contact them at all. This is the absolute first step.
  2. Remember that the "but we can remain friends!" line is bullshit. It'll never happen, because it'll be awkward.
  3. Remove them (and block if possible) from any instant messaging services you both happen to use.
  4. If you happen to frequent the same forums, make no mention of each other.
  5. Do not answer if they call you. If someone else answers it, make sure they say that you're not there, no matter what.
  6. Block email from them. Blacklisting and/or procmail(1) are your friends.
  7. If you can, avoid physical contact.
  8. Because of the uncertainty in human emotion, don't close all forms of contact. Leave one open.

Of course, I hope that you never have to use this. The loss of love is something I don't want anyone to have to go through.