Today, I ran into someone I hadn't seen to in nearly two years. The first thing that brought my attention was that she had remembered who I was. The second was that she didn't hate me (see, I'm not so bad after all), and that she said that she still 'loved' me (as in a friend, I'll explain that later).

She, whether she'd realized it or not, was (and still could be) one of only two that I had ever truly been in love with. The other, well, I think that can be saved for another rant.

She asked me "How have you and Chris been?" (Chris was an enemy of mine) This question could have made me explode, seeing as I blame myself for them having gotten together. I knew both him and her, and all three of us were together often (for a while), and things went from there. But, I didn't, and just said I haven't talked to him in two years either.

Then came the oft-asked question "How have you been doing?" I decided to spare her the story of hell that has been my life for the past two years, and replied "Decent." I guess it was a good thing she didn't have to hear the story of how I fucked up the life of someone I loved, and not realizing it because I was too fucking involved with my own self-pity and self-doubt.

I only wish I could have talked to her longer, or maybe again someday. It's these kind of things that keep the gun from my head.