Writings > There is Another in the Night
20 Aug 2002
- gile, 20 August 2002
I'm still running in the night. But this time, there is light. It is dim, but I see where I go.
I, the eternal lover, am back to my old ways again. Or so I think. For this time, I do not really know if I am in love. The object of my attention, and ultimately affection, was rather unexpected. I thought I had given up on love, from my past battles, where I had been defeated by my enemy: my heart.
There, in the darkness, is another burned by love and defeated by the heart. She sees my light, but tries not to notice. It is not until I am beside her that she acknowledges my light. She wishes for the light, but is afraid that it will burn her again. As I too was, when I stumbled through the night.
I do love her, and I wish for her to be here, but I do not know if I am in love with her. The signs of the past, something to the effect of torturing myself for unknown reasons, have not shown themselves. Though, I am nervous, anticipating a reaction from her.
In some ways, I hope that I'm not in love again. Even if a relationship forms from this, we would be much better if I was not constantly worring about love. I just want someone to be there, through whatever we may encounter. That is my quest now, to have someone. Not to have their "eternal, unwithering love." Just to be there, for eachother.
I am not walking blind anymore. Day came and day went. I just never put a light on. I doomed myself to torture, but now I can see and avoid that torture. I'm still the eternal lover, but maybe now I can live on my own, independent on love. I can stop fighting with my heart, and for once, listen to it.
She can let the light in. I will not burn her. I can not put another through what I went through. No one need wander around in the dark, afraid of being burned by the light.