Writings > Whoa... they were right!
12 May 2004
Tonight, I realised that ever since hell came down on me on 10 April 2001, this is the first year that I haven't marked that date. I hadn't even realised that it passed. I'm glad for that.
Three years later, there are things that I have finally realised that Amy was right about. I needed help. I still need help. Amy was my first love, and Elizabeth was my second (and first serious relationship), and now they're both gone. Yes, both times, it was indeed my fault.
So... what finally made it dawn on me? This:
Until you've spent two years waking up every day and wondering why you haven't gargled lead, to have it broken by a bit of happiness and hope, and then to be thrown back like you didn't ever exist, I have no fucking sympathy for your little emo problems du jour.
I wrote it a few months ago, right after Elizabeth and I broke up. Every single word of it is true. Even though she caused part of that, I don't hold it against her. The same way that I don't hold it against Amy for the things she did that lead up to my depression. I've never been good at holding grudges.
Now I actually have to get on to that getting help part. Damn.
Anyway, if Amy ever sees this, I'd like to thank her. Even if it did take me three years to understand what she meant.