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Writings > Another Late Night Thought

15 Jan 2003

Two weeks ago was the New Years Eve party. After the passing of the new year, several toasts were made (which I do not remember, as I wasn't part of them). In my mind there was one that I wanted to say.

May we stop the lies and falsehoods that caused so many problems in the last year.

When everything began, it all seemed great. I had finally met some people that I could get along with. Or so I thought. For months it continued and it looked like everything was going smooth. And then this summer happened. I'm not sure what it was, but all of a sudden, the slightest thing would set everything off. Just when we finally thought everything was resolved and getting back to 'normal,' it would happen again.

By mid-fall, many 'friendships' were broken, some hopelessly lost. It seemed that once we started to actually learn things about one another, the more we started to dislike them. For having so many differences between us, we were incredibly intolerant of one another. You had to agree, or you were causing a problem. The lies just weren't worth it.

Do I wish that we could still be the friends we started to be? Yes, because I had a great time, and for once actually enjoyed myself with those people. Could I get along with them now? I could, but I don't think they could get along with me, because I won't pretend and I won't hide things. Would I still help everyone of them out if they needed it? Yes I would. I spent too much time and money (and it did cost quite a lot in fuel money) this summer with these people to forget that we were once friends.

I've spent my life trying to win over the fake friends, and I can tell you, it's not worth it. When you realise just how fake it is, you are the only one it's going to hurt. I thought I found real friends, and in some cases I did, but I also know that many of them aren't my real friends, and that is something I understand.

The number of true friends are few. In fact, I think there are only two. And one of them is my girlfriend. There are more real friends, but I also firmly believe that in the grand scheme, I don't rank of any high importance. And maybe that's the way it's supposed to be.

As for that party, I enjoyed myself. No matter what I said, because I did bitch more than I should have over the films we watched (or didn't watch...), I was glad to be there. But I knew from the instant I arrived that it wasn't going to be 'real.' No, this was a fake gathering for the sake of getting together. But there's nothing wrong with that. Everyone just needs to have a good time now and again.