The Ballad of Icing Death
written by Chris "Preacher" Pallace
Inspired by Biv, Boba, Friar, Mikew, Elf, Preacher, Linus
Fools, and lots of Caffine.
Warned by all of those they see
"Go south! Make Haste! Quickly Flee!"
No, A dragon is in our sights.. it killed our horses and mules
The people all smile and nod, knowing they are surrounded by fools
"But Icing Death is evil, a foe worthy of armies and kings"
Paladin Mok steps grinning from the group, "We like to kill things"
People start to back away ("We warned them enough")
Kevlar finally questions, "What's this _we_ stuff?"
Well, off we went via God's two-way dimension door
To the dragon's lair... after all, mundane travel's such a bore
Standing at the front gate, we get in with just a touch
Dragons should invest in better security, it doesn't cost _that_ much
Inside is a different story
Now we got a chance to worry
Ogre-Magi: big and blue, and quite a stink
A cross between 10 foot ninjas and the missing link
Magic powers and frozen breath
And a wand full of Flaming Death
Yet they bleed as does any man,
And in the end, they are so much SPAM
The wand, now ours, is amazingly "Cool"
Although covered with Mangar's drool
Now off for the real battle before events become stranger
Quickly, my friends, Run Towards the Danger!!!
The throne room awaits, and we do charge
There sits the Dragon, size of a barge
With a few blue meanies by its side
This is going to be one hell of a ride
And into battle we do go
With an ever present "Tally-Ho!"
Moran steps a side like a wizard
And shifts herself into a great big lizard
Even larger than the one we face,
Of all our tricks, this is an Ace
A talent of hers worth some bold braggin'
But to learn it, she got screwed by a dragon
Meanwhile, the battle waged is going well
However, we all know something has gone to hell
Everything is too smooth, too nice
Damn, we'll have to fight it twice
The reason the fight was not so hard,
They had spells just like the bard
The dragon on which we unleashed our aggrivation
Was just a lousy imitation
We fell for the trick, damn, damn, damn,
Yet another monster knew our plan
Deciding to rest, we all know when we're licked
Then turn all and run, or get our asses kicked
Heal, memorized and prep for war
Before we go knocking on a Dragon's door
Returning the next day thanks to Magic Spell
We follow an icy corridor leading straight to Hell
Idiots would not trot where we now dare
Into the den of the Dragon's lair...
Miles wide, a bubble in the ice
Smaug, himself never had it so nice
The wizard cast, and the bard did her thing
Kayleigh's Dragon Hating Sword began to sing
Danger was coming, our nerves were shot
"Kevlar, under your feet, that's a shadow, is it not?"
Death from above was the cast of our die
For the beast was plunging on us out of the sky
Quickly Moran went to wrestle the damn thing down
Where the fighters would greet her down on the ground
The plan was not working to say the most
If we weren't so cold I'd say we were toast
So Fugly creates metaphysical boots
But here's the deal
They will only work if you believe that they're real
Kevlar and Mok give the shoes a hope and a try
To help kill the dragon, they'll believe they can fly
Up in the air they go really quite tragic
Kevlar mutters "God, I hate magic"
If you're a sadist then this battle would get your kicks
Seven started, but in the end there were six
the dead guy was really no big shock
That beacon of good, the Paladin Mok
Although his death was nothing we could ignore
Keep in mind, he's been dead before
Always remember and never forget
He was known first as the human target
Now not to say this party is cold...
But first things first "Go grab the gold"
Time for a portal to safety... remember the body
Down to the local Cleric's to wait in the lobby
And the group gathered for Mok's Darkest Hour
A situation reversed by a show of God's Power
Once again we prove capable of defeating anything no matter what class
Yes indeed, one might say... Absolutely Bad Ass.