Jumbled Musings of a Giant

Fade in with Shiny Happy People by REM

Wandering through the massivly hemmoraging halls of the Great Giant, our hero (If you've been following along, you would know who already, but, if you're just joining us, its the Illustrius Frontal Lobe. To give a quick example of just who the Frontal lobe is, and why he's our hero, I would have to delve into cross-specific-time-indexed-flagellating-sperm-cells-megalomania , but that would very tedious and time consuming, so suffice it to say that the reasoning behind Frontal's hero-dom is complete and totally non-specific)

As I was saying, Wandering through the massivly hemmoraging halls of the Great Giant, our hero, Frontal Lobe, finds himself in a sticky gooey mess. (Oh, by the way, since many of you have never heard of Frontal Lobe, and god (lowercase god that is) forbid that you would even HAVE a Frontal Lobe to comprehend this with, I am going to assume that you probablly haven't heard of the Great Giant. Ah, yes. The great Giant. I remember a time, many years ago that...ah....yes... oh... yess. I'm c... Oh, hi... sorry, I didn't realize you were watching.. Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yes.. The Great Giant. I remember a time, many years ago that... ah yess.... (NO! Stop it!) (shh.. not right now, people are reading. ok? ok.) AHEM, AS I was saying, The Great Giant, I remember a time, many years ago, ... There was a whole race of Great Giants. There were moma giants, papa giants, and little-bunny-foo-foo giants hopping around, err. make that causing earth quakes all around. Anyway, one beautiful sunny summer day, one of the moma giants (who shall go nameless because, frankly, I just don't know her name) was playing hop-scotch with her two little-bunny-foo-foo giants , she made one last scotch, and fell drunk to the ground. Now, this race of Giants was large, their heads touched the clouds, and when they had to go, whole cities drowned. (and new mountain ranges were built at the flick, er drop of something else.) So, as she fell drunk to the ground, all hell broke loose. It was like all the nuclear missles in the world automagically targetted themselves in this spot where she fell and all went off at once. Anyway, since all the giants were telepathically linked, when she died (and no other giant had ever died before) all the others died. It was very sad. But wait! they didn't all die! He who we refer to as the Great Giant (I'm not at liberty to give his real name, because its really horrible and would make you puke) The Great Giant survived. However, not all was well. He was a mutant giant. About 5'10" Tall, weighing in at a pathetic 145 pounds he was not at all telepathic. So that is his story. After the death of the Giants there was much politicing about what to do with the corpses. It was decided to make them into apartment buildings for the rapidly growing (now that the giants weren't around to step on them) human population. This is the Great Giant's story about how he is walking down his hemmoraging halls.)

The Jumbled Musings of a Giant, Chapter II

We left our heros, The Great Giant, and Frontal Lobe in the Hemmoraging halls of one of the dead Giants. This installment picks up from there.

Frontal lobe and The Great Giant (Who, if you read the first installment, which was very poorly written, and just sucked royally) were wandering through the hemmoraging halls of one of the fallen Giants. (Also, in the first installment, we found out that when the Great Race Of Giants fell, they made the corpses into apartment buildings for the rapidly growing (now that the Giants weren't around to step on them) human population) "Hey Great - check this out!", said Frontal Lobe as he poked his hand through the giant blood vessel they were wading through and grabbing some blubber.

"Oh wonderful, just what I always wanted, to see little-bunny-foo-foo Giant's blubber. I'm the last of the Giants, and you know what, I really hate walking through the Inner-Space of this one. I feel like I'm in that book by, Isaac Asminov about the people who get shrunk and go into that persons brain to fix him or something."

"Ya, I know the book you're talking about. It begins with an 'F' I think, I can't remember the name."

"Me either", the Great Giant shrugged," Oh *WELL*!"

"Oh *WELL* Indeed!"

"Come on, I want to get out of here, I'm getting the creeps."

"Ok. I think if i jump real hard right here, we'll dislodge an eye, and we should be able to climb out the socket."

Frontal Lobe jumped up and down a few times. Suddenly, the blood vessel wall gave way, and he went slithering through some grey matter that looked suspiciously like brain, and into a Jello-like sphere. He hollered up " Come on down, the jello's just right!"

The Great Giant, beginning to get sick to his stomach decided there was nothing he could do but follow. He was completely lost, and had no idea how to find his way back to the urethura where everyone was moving their furniture in from. Holding his nose, for lack of something else to hold, he jumped down the hole Frontal Lobe made. "Here I Come! he screamed!"

He landed with a great *scherlplop* in the dead giant's eye.

"Isn't this cool?" said Frontal as he swam around. Its fun! Tastes Great!"

"Less Filling," retched The Great Giant. "Please, can we get out of here, Its hard enough walking around inside a dead relative, let alone swimming in his eyeball!"

"Sure, I guess. I'll have to come back sometime for some rest and relaxation though", sighed Frontal.

The Jumbled Musings of a Giant, Chapter III

With that, Frontal held his nose and dove into the Jellow-like giant eye they were swimming in. Down, deeper and deeper into the eye he dove. Finally, he came against the bottom. Tearing with all his strength, he ripped through the lens cover. Gasping for breath, Frontal waited for The Great Giant to follow.

The Great Giant, however, was having a nightmare. "First, he drags me into the urethra, then along some blood vessels into the brain. From there he took me into the eye! The eye no less! Damnit. Now he wants me to swim down through the eye. 'The only way out', he says. "

With that, he held his genitals (because he held his nose last time) and dove. Swimming down through the jellow-like eye was rather difficult, considering he was only using one arm (the other was holding himself) Finally, he reached the bottom, and with a *plop* dropped out of the eye onto the spongy eye-lid beside Frontal. He wiped some of the slime off his face and screamed at Frontal," I've had enough! I want out RIGHT NOW!"

Frontal replied in a steady voice," Calm down. Its only a little-bunny-foo-foo giant corpse. Nothing to be worried about. We're leaving. I just have to open this huge eyelid, and out we go! OK?"

Remembering to remove his hand from his genitals, The Great Giant felt humbled. It really wasn't Frontal's falt he thought. "Sorry", he said," I'll follow your lead."

"Thanks", replied Frontal. Now help me lift right here.

With that, they heaved at the upper eyelid. Light cracked through, not this red crap they had been bathed in, but real honest-to-goodness green sunlight. They dropped the five or so feet to the ground.

Inhaling deeply, The Great Giant spoke first," Ah. The fresh air feels so great. To smell the deeply rotting garbage. Ah, its beautiful!"

"If you say so..."

"Dammit Frontal, I'm a Giant, not a Neuter!" shouted The Great Giant. (You see, he was a bit mentally unstable. But to explain about that, I would have to go back to the first installment (which, by the way was horribly written, and just sucked) Anyway, its not important what a Neuter is anyway. ( Suffice it to say, it does NOT mean the same thing it means in English (What?! you thought this story WAS in English? Whats wrong with you man? Its in Grlaby (Pronounced "Grrr-lab-lab-lab-fudge" that is) Jesus! any two year old would have known that!))) (I HATE closing parans - TRANSLATOR)

In any case, Frontal blew the last sentence clear out of the water. (In Grlaby "water" means "psychadelic loud screaming peanuts", although they have nothing to do with the story since water is the ENGLISH of the Grably word they used) Thats right, C-l-e-a-r o-u-t o-f t-h-e w-a-t-e-r (Had to clear that up, since my translator curcuts are on the blitz I have to do it by random thought as to what peanut butter elephants taste like)

The Jumbled Musings of a Giant, Chapter IV

Frontal, knowing that the Great Giant was more than a little unstable due to the problems associated with the genocide of an entire species, decided to go against his instincts and say "You loser, you're just a puny giant thats not even giant!"

The last of the Great Giants nobility collapsed. He began to cry, cry for a land no more, a people crushed under the mighty weight of a falling mass. His grief welled from the depths of his being, screaming itself out into the sky of Grlaby. "I'm alone", he sobbed. "I don't want this honor. I just want to lay down and die."

The Great Giant pained to the deepest depth of his being. He cried out for a way of life that was extinguished forever like a cold hard spike driven into his heart. Though his own people despised him, the Great Giant still loved them, and he would grieve for them for his entire life.

"You're right Frontal, I'm a puny giant, but I am the last of my species, and I must not let the ways of the Giants die with me. I have decided my mission. I will spread the teachings of the Giants, allowing my race to live for eternity in the minds of others. Your company would be appreciated, but I will pursue my goal with or without you."

"I... I... I don't know what to say. I can say this, you have shown your greatness in your plan. Only a truely great Giant would sacrifice themselves to spread the teachings of his people. I admire and respect you for what you are going to do, but I can not follow you. I am destined to lead, as are you. We would just get in each others way. Who knows, we may meet again in our wanderings. Maybe things will be different then."

"Thank you for the encouragement. I will miss you on my journey, but I will never forget you. When our paths cross in the future, as they no doubt will, You will be amazed at what you find, and maybe ready to lead... with me."

"I don't know what to say. I will never forget you either. I look forward to our meeting in the future."

After that, good bye's said, they seperated to wander along their differing paths. Little do they know that their paths will be crossing sometime very soon.

As the Great Giant walked away, he pondered his new found strength. Did it come from within, or was it part of a master plan laid out long ago? Fate was a term unknown on the world of Grlaby. It could be said though, that they often debated its existance. There were just as many philosophers on Grlaby as on Earth.

Frontal pondered his friends sudden change as he walked through the forest. Where did he get his newfound strength? Would he succeed? Thoughts streaming through his mind, he decided he would learn more next time they met. He hoped at that time to be the head of a rapidly growing techno-elite. He

The Jumbled Musings of a Giant Chapter V

Basking in his new found strength, The Great Giant began to recruit his followers. "Listen to me now, and hear me later: I am the prophet. I am the last of the Giants. I Alone control the destiny of my great race. Listen long and hard: I will teach you the ways of the Giants. We shall become one with the Giants. Thats right. The Giants still exist. We alone can tap their once great power to use for ourselves."

As The Great Giant preached, a croud began to gather. There were artists, technologists, Hermits, and finally, telepaths. Thats right. Telepaths. I'll say it again: Telepaths. These telepaths were the key to The Great Giants plan. With them, he could regain his telepathic ability and become one with the Giants conciousness. For the Giants conciousness still lived. Simple physical death could never kill it. The Giants consciousness was eternal. It lived upon that plane between the netherworld and the physical.

Frontal began whistling to himself. Whistle, Whistle, Whistle. He began to plan his takeover of the government. "First I will seduce the president's wife. Nonono. First I'll assasinate the president. Nonono. Ah ha! I'll just pretend I AM the president! Perfect. People will believe me, and then it will be just like I am the president. Yess... Thats the answer!

Quickly, Frontal put on an aristocratic air. (He was a great actor) At once, people began to believe that he was their president. They began to follow, chanting: "Frontal...Frontal...Frontal...Frontal Lobe...We all live in a Frontal Lobe...Frontal...Frontal..."

The Great Giant instructed his people to build a temple. This temple would have twisted gnarled trees hanging on its outside, and inside would be bright cherry blue. He told his diciples that he must go for a journy alone to learn what he was to do. So readied, he set out with just the clothes on his back to the mysterious Great Jungle. The peasants believed that the Great Jungle was haunted. The Great Giant knew better however. He knew the Jungle for what it really was. The closest connection between the physical and the mental worlds where the Giants consciousness lived. To the peasants, then, it must have seemed haunted because strange mutterings and sparking neurons could be seen and heard.

The Great Giant fasted for ten days in the Great Jungle. At the end of those ten days, he got what he had wanted all along. The tap into the Giants consciousness. "Hear me cousins, For I am the last of the physical Giants. I bow to you, the Giant consciousness. Allow me to teach our ways to the puny humanoid race on this planet, that they may one day become as great as we are."

Thunder echoed from the edges of the Jungle. Trees crashed all around the Great Giant, but he held steady. Calmly projecting his plan into the Great

The Jumbled Musings of a Giant Chapter VI

interlinked consciousness, The Great Giant explained his intent. The consciousness responded with booming loudness.

"The quest you are about to embark on is long and dangerous. There are those who would rather forget we existed than learn our ways. The families of those we crushed will actively oppose you. We give our blessings to you, The last of the Giants. Spread our way of life to the humans that they may one day attain the enlightenment that we have. When they reach that point, it will be time for the next evolutionary step onto a plane of greater existance, but without the humans, we will never reach this plateau. Go now my son, and carry out this great plan. And remember, we are counting on you."

With the emotions and words conveyed by the Giants Consciousness, the Great Giant slowly regained his feet. He was weak from hunger, but that wasn't going to stop him from his goal.


It crept silently through the Jungle.


Meanwhile, Frontal was leading his group of followers to the nearest Giant corpse. He instructed them to look long and hard and study the quickly decomposing pinky toe of the Little-Bunny-Foo-Foo corpse they were standing near.

"See the tattoo on the inside of Little Bunny Foo Foo's pinky toe? Well, that is the mark of a TRUE follower of the Giants teachings. Without Me, you would all *lose* this into the huge wasteland in the sky. This wasteland in the sky is the thing to be feared, because once something is lost to it, it is gone forever. To reiterate, once something is lost into it, it is gone forever. It in this case refers the word "wasteland" which is a very important word. This word appears in several of the greatest works of the mostest wonderfullest authors of all time on Grably. (Now Children, don't forget that "Grlaby" is pronounced "Grab-lab-lab-lab-fudge" of course. -- Translator) Now, since this word "wasteland" appears in so many of the important works on Grlaby, it is very important to note that it must be a very important word, just as is the Grlaby word "water" is a very important word. The Grlaby word "Water" translates into "Psychadelic loud screaming peanuts" These Psychadelic Loud Screaming Peanuts do actually have a part in this story, regardless of what it said in the second chapter which executed a brilliantly erotic display of the creative talent on par with the greatest writers on the world of Grlaby. Anyway about the tattoo on the inside of little bunny foo foo's pinky toe, it really isn't that important, except as a constant reminder to all those who bother to look at it that it does accurately portray the size of the stink created when a Papa Giant took a crap.

The last paragraph had absolutely nothing to do with this story, just like the next sentence has nothing to do with anything but itself. This sentence refers to itself only because it has nothing else better to do. But basically, Frontals plan, if you could say he had any sort of plan, is to impregnate every available tree on the planet of Grlaby. You may think this sounds like an impossible quest, but thats just because you don't know how the trees on Grlaby are impregnated, now do you?

(I just noticed something, this story is losing plot like the shards of glass on a leaky window are losing their garage. --TRANSLATOR)

(Coming Attractions in the weeks ahead:

- Tad Hunt tad@csh.rit.edu ( http://www.csh.rit.edu/~tad )