Wandering through the massivly hemmoraging halls of the Great Giant, our hero (If you've been following along, you would know who already, but, if you're just joining us, its the Illustrius Frontal Lobe. To give a quick example of just who the Frontal lobe is, and why he's our hero, I would have to delve into cross-specific-time-indexed-flagellating-sperm-cells-megalomania , but that would very tedious and time consuming, so suffice it to say that the reasoning behind Frontal's hero-dom is complete and totally non-specific)
As I was saying, Wandering through the massivly hemmoraging halls of the
Great Giant, our hero, Frontal Lobe, finds himself in a sticky gooey mess.
(Oh, by the way, since many of you have never heard of Frontal Lobe, and god
(lowercase god that is) forbid that you would even HAVE a Frontal Lobe to
comprehend this with, I am going to assume that you probablly haven't heard of
the Great Giant. Ah, yes. The great Giant. I remember a time, many years
ago that...ah....yes...
We left our heros, The Great Giant, and Frontal Lobe in the Hemmoraging
halls of one of the dead Giants. This installment picks up from there.
Frontal lobe and The Great Giant (Who, if you read the first installment,
which was very poorly written, and just sucked royally) were wandering through
the hemmoraging halls of one of the fallen Giants. (Also, in the first
installment, we found out that when the Great Race Of Giants fell, they made
the corpses into apartment buildings for the rapidly growing (now that the
Giants weren't around to step on them) human population)
"Hey Great - check this out!", said Frontal Lobe as he poked his hand
through the giant blood vessel they were wading through and grabbing some
blubber.
"Oh wonderful, just what I always wanted, to see little-bunny-foo-foo
Giant's blubber. I'm the last of the Giants, and you know what, I really hate
walking through the Inner-Space of this one. I feel like I'm in that book by,
Isaac Asminov about the people who get shrunk and go into that persons brain
to fix him or something."
"Ya, I know the book you're talking about. It begins with an 'F' I think,
I can't remember the name."
"Me either", the Great Giant shrugged," Oh *WELL*!"
"Oh *WELL* Indeed!"
"Come on, I want to get out of here, I'm getting the creeps."
"Ok. I think if i jump real hard right here, we'll dislodge an eye, and we
should be able to climb out the socket."
Frontal Lobe jumped up and down a few times. Suddenly, the blood vessel
wall gave way, and he went slithering through some grey matter that looked
suspiciously like brain, and into a Jello-like sphere. He hollered up " Come
on down, the jello's just right!"
The Great Giant, beginning to get sick to his stomach decided there was
nothing he could do but follow. He was completely lost, and had no idea how
to find his way back to the urethura where everyone was moving their furniture
in from. Holding his nose, for lack of something else to hold, he jumped down
the hole Frontal Lobe made. "Here I Come! he screamed!"
He landed with a great *scherlplop* in the dead giant's eye.
"Isn't this cool?" said Frontal as he swam around. Its fun! Tastes
Great!"
"Less Filling," retched The Great Giant. "Please, can we get out of here,
Its hard enough walking around inside a dead relative, let alone swimming in
his eyeball!"
"Sure, I guess. I'll have to come back sometime for some rest and
relaxation though", sighed Frontal.
With that, Frontal held his nose and dove into the Jellow-like giant eye
they were swimming in. Down, deeper and deeper into the eye he dove.
Finally, he came against the bottom. Tearing with all his strength, he ripped
through the lens cover. Gasping for breath, Frontal waited for The Great
Giant to follow.
The Great Giant, however, was having a nightmare. "First, he drags me
into the urethra, then along some blood vessels into the brain. From there he
took me into the eye! The eye no less! Damnit. Now he wants me to swim down
through the eye. 'The only way out', he says.
With that, he held his genitals (because he held his nose last time) and
dove. Swimming down through the jellow-like eye was rather difficult,
considering he was only using one arm (the other was holding himself)
Finally, he reached the bottom, and with a *plop* dropped out of the eye onto
the spongy eye-lid beside Frontal. He wiped some of the slime off his face
and screamed at Frontal," I've had enough! I want out RIGHT NOW!"
Frontal replied in a steady voice," Calm down. Its only a
little-bunny-foo-foo giant corpse. Nothing to be worried about. We're
leaving. I just have to open this huge eyelid, and out we go! OK?"
Remembering to remove his hand from his genitals, The Great Giant felt
humbled. It really wasn't Frontal's falt he thought. "Sorry", he said," I'll
follow your lead."
"Thanks", replied Frontal. Now help me lift right here.
With that, they heaved at the upper eyelid. Light cracked through, not
this red crap they had been bathed in, but real honest-to-goodness green
sunlight. They dropped the five or so feet to the ground.
Inhaling deeply, The Great Giant spoke first," Ah. The fresh air feels
so great. To smell the deeply rotting garbage. Ah, its beautiful!"
"If you say so..."
"Dammit Frontal, I'm a Giant, not a Neuter!" shouted The Great Giant.
(You see, he was a bit mentally unstable. But to explain about that, I would
have to go back to the first installment (which, by the way was horribly
written, and just sucked) Anyway, its not important what a Neuter is anyway.
( Suffice it to say, it does NOT mean the same thing it means in English
(What?! you thought this story WAS in English? Whats wrong with you man? Its
in Grlaby (Pronounced "Grrr-lab-lab-lab-fudge" that is) Jesus! any two year
old would have known that!))) (I HATE closing parans - TRANSLATOR)
In any case, Frontal blew the last sentence clear out of the water. (In
Grlaby "water" means "psychadelic loud screaming peanuts", although they have
nothing to do with the story since water is the ENGLISH of the Grably word
they used) Thats right, C-l-e-a-r o-u-t o-f t-h-e w-a-t-e-r (Had to clear
that up, since my translator curcuts are on the blitz I have to do it
by random thought as to what peanut butter elephants taste like)
Frontal, knowing that the Great Giant was more than a little unstable due
to the problems associated with the genocide of an entire species, decided to
go against his instincts and say "You loser, you're just a puny giant thats
not even giant!"
The last of the Great Giants nobility collapsed. He began to cry, cry for
a land no more, a people crushed under the mighty weight of a falling mass.
His grief welled from the depths of his being, screaming itself out into the
sky of Grlaby. "I'm alone", he sobbed. "I don't want this honor. I just
want to lay down and die."
The Great Giant pained to the deepest depth of his being. He cried out
for a way of life that was extinguished forever like a cold hard spike driven
into his heart. Though his own people despised him, the Great Giant still
loved them, and he would grieve for them for his entire life.
"You're right Frontal, I'm a puny giant, but I am the last of my species,
and I must not let the ways of the Giants die with me. I have decided my
mission. I will spread the teachings of the Giants, allowing my race to live
for eternity in the minds of others. Your company would be appreciated, but I
will pursue my goal with or without you."
"I... I... I don't know what to say. I can say this, you have shown your
greatness in your plan. Only a truely great Giant would sacrifice themselves
to spread the teachings of his people. I admire and respect you for what you
are going to do, but I can not follow you. I am destined to lead, as are you.
We would just get in each others way. Who knows, we may meet again in our
wanderings. Maybe things will be different then."
"Thank you for the encouragement. I will miss you on my journey, but I
will never forget you. When our paths cross in the future, as they no doubt
will, You will be amazed at what you find, and maybe ready to lead... with
me."
"I don't know what to say. I will never forget you either. I look
forward to our meeting in the future."
After that, good bye's said, they seperated to wander along their
differing paths. Little do they know that their paths will be crossing
sometime very soon.
As the Great Giant walked away, he pondered his new found strength. Did
it come from within, or was it part of a master plan laid out long ago? Fate
was a term unknown on the world of Grlaby. It could be said though, that they
often debated its existance. There were just as many philosophers on Grlaby
as on Earth.
Frontal pondered his friends sudden change as he walked through the
forest. Where did he get his newfound strength? Would he succeed? Thoughts
streaming through his mind, he decided he would learn more next time they met.
He hoped at that time to be the head of a rapidly growing techno-elite. He
Basking in his new found strength, The Great Giant began to recruit his
followers. "Listen to me now, and hear me later: I am the prophet. I am the
last of the Giants. I Alone control the destiny of my great race. Listen
long and hard: I will teach you the ways of the Giants. We shall become one
with the Giants. Thats right. The Giants still exist. We alone can tap
their once great power to use for ourselves."
As The Great Giant preached, a croud began to gather. There were artists,
technologists, Hermits, and finally, telepaths. Thats right. Telepaths. I'll
say it again: Telepaths. These telepaths were the key to The Great Giants
plan. With them, he could regain his telepathic ability and become one with
the Giants conciousness. For the Giants conciousness still lived. Simple
physical death could never kill it. The Giants consciousness was eternal. It
lived upon that plane between the netherworld and the physical.
Frontal began whistling to himself. Whistle, Whistle, Whistle.
He began to plan his takeover of the government. "First I will seduce the
president's wife. Nonono. First I'll assasinate the president. Nonono. Ah
ha! I'll just pretend I AM the president! Perfect. People will believe me,
and then it will be just like I am the president.
Quickly, Frontal put on an aristocratic air. (He was a great actor) At
once, people began to believe that he was their president. They began to
follow, chanting: "Frontal...Frontal...Frontal...Frontal Lobe...We all live
in a Frontal Lobe...Frontal...Frontal..."
The Great Giant instructed his people to build a temple. This temple
would have twisted gnarled trees hanging on its outside, and inside would be
bright cherry blue. He told his diciples that he must go for a journy alone
to learn what he was to do. So readied, he set out with just the clothes on
his back to the mysterious Great Jungle. The peasants believed that the Great
Jungle was haunted. The Great Giant knew better however. He knew the Jungle
for what it really was. The closest connection between the physical and the
mental worlds where the Giants consciousness lived. To the peasants, then, it
must have seemed haunted because strange mutterings and sparking neurons could
be seen and heard.
The Great Giant fasted for ten days in the Great Jungle. At the end of
those ten days, he got what he had wanted all along. The tap into the Giants
consciousness. "Hear me cousins, For I am the last of the physical Giants.
I bow to you, the Giant consciousness. Allow me to teach our ways to the puny
humanoid race on this planet, that they may one day become as great as we
are."
Thunder echoed from the edges of the Jungle. Trees crashed all around the
Great Giant, but he held steady. Calmly projecting his plan into the Great
interlinked consciousness, The Great Giant explained his intent. The
consciousness responded with booming loudness.
"The quest you are about to embark on is long and dangerous. There
are those who would rather forget we existed than learn our ways. The
families of those we crushed will actively oppose you. We give our blessings
to you, The last of the Giants. Spread our way of life to the humans that they
may one day attain the enlightenment that we have. When they reach that point,
it will be time for the next evolutionary step onto a plane of greater
existance, but without the humans, we will never reach this plateau. Go now
my son, and carry out this great plan. And remember, we are counting on you."
With the emotions and words conveyed by the Giants Consciousness, the
Great Giant slowly regained his feet. He was weak from hunger, but that wasn't
going to stop him from his goal.
***
It crept silently through the Jungle.
***
Meanwhile, Frontal was leading his group of followers to the nearest
Giant corpse. He instructed them to look long and hard and study the quickly
decomposing pinky toe of the Little-Bunny-Foo-Foo corpse they were standing
near.
"See the tattoo on the inside of Little Bunny Foo Foo's pinky toe?
Well, that is the mark of a TRUE follower of the Giants teachings. Without
Me, you would all *lose* this into the huge wasteland in the sky. This
wasteland in the sky is the thing to be feared, because once something is lost
to it, it is gone forever. To reiterate, once something is lost into it, it
is gone forever. It in this case refers the word "wasteland" which is a very
important word. This word appears in several of the greatest works of the
mostest wonderfullest authors of all time on Grably. (Now Children, don't
forget that "Grlaby" is pronounced "Grab-lab-lab-lab-fudge" of course. --
Translator) Now, since this word "wasteland" appears in so many of the
important works on Grlaby, it is very important to note that it must be a
very important word, just as is the Grlaby word "water" is a very important
word. The Grlaby word "Water" translates into "Psychadelic loud screaming
peanuts" These Psychadelic Loud Screaming Peanuts do actually have a part
in this story, regardless of what it said in the second chapter which executed
a brilliantly erotic display of the creative talent on par with the greatest
writers on the world of Grlaby. Anyway about the tattoo on the inside of
little bunny foo foo's pinky toe, it really isn't that important, except as
a constant reminder to all those who bother to look at it that it does
accurately portray the size of the stink created when a Papa Giant took a
crap.
The last paragraph had absolutely nothing to do with this story, just
like the next sentence has nothing to do with anything but itself. This
sentence refers to itself only because it has nothing else better to do. But
basically, Frontals plan, if you could say he had any sort of plan, is to
impregnate every available tree on the planet of Grlaby. You may think this
sounds like an impossible quest, but thats just because you don't know how
the trees on Grlaby are impregnated, now do you?
(I just noticed something, this story is losing plot like the shards
of glass on a leaky window are losing their garage. --TRANSLATOR)
(Coming Attractions in the weeks ahead:
The Jumbled Musings of a Giant, Chapter II
The Jumbled Musings of a Giant, Chapter III
The Jumbled Musings of a Giant, Chapter IV
The Jumbled Musings of a Giant Chapter V
The Jumbled Musings of a Giant Chapter VI