(*) See Bathroom Phobias for additional example
My friend was there with me for that encounter and afterwards said "That was the dickest thing I have ever seen you do." And I must agree. I don't know why I did it. I mean, I could have made that girl's entire night, she would have married me on the spot. Her look of excitement and unadulterated joy at the thought of a stranger coming up to the register, buying a single rose, and giving it to the cashier behind the counter was something to see. Equally see-worthy, was the look of devastation after my retort. At the time I was not trying to crush the life out of a Corner Store cashier. I had the rose, and just thought to myself what a neat scenario it would be for someone to buy a rose for no reason and turn around and give it to the woman behind the counter, like on a TV show or something. It just so happened that I voiced this scenario out loud, not realizing the potential to completely destroy a young woman who had yet to reach her prime. Before you brand me an evil, heartless monster, I did feel so bad that I later went back to the store, with the notion to actually give her a rose this time because I felt like a dick. But alas, she was not there. She probably had to take off work early after feeling the utter destruction of her innocence and beauty by a mindless mistake on my part. Even if she was there, how would the second encounter have transpired? "What would you do, if I told you that I got this rose for you... no... for real this time... seriously... no, I'm not joking... this time is for real..."
Hence my regularly scheduled broadcast isn't until the off-peak hours. I've devised times that I like to call "low-risk" times; these are generally extremely early or late at night. I, for example, usually wait until 12:30 am. Most people are sleeping at that time, so it is a good time to go.
Additional tips:
If you're in someone's home (including your own) and you must go during a peak
time, a good technique is to keep the faucet running while you're unloading
your freight. Periodically shout out at high volume, "Whoooo! My hands sure
are really, really dirty!" and "It's gonna take a lot of water to clean
these puppies!"
On the opposite angle, there are "high-risk" times. These are peak times such as during lunch hour at work. Big no-no. Also avoid the half-hour windows before and after lunch when other Public-dump Phobiacs are often found trying to avoid the lunch-hour rush as well.
Be sure to make sure that the stall door is locked securely before going about yo' bidness... While during my lunch hour one day at work, I was doing my "daily reading" in the bathroom when I hear someone else enter. I do the obligatory "warning cough" to alert strangers as to my territory. That done, I turn my attention back to reading the colorful graffiti on the wall. Suddenly, the door comes flying open and some guy is standing there looking at me, and I stare back feeling naked (well, my pants were down around my ankles...) and vulnerable. We both quickly mutter "sorry" simultaneously, and as I yank the door back closed, I hear his footsteps leaving the bathroom. Well, at least he did the right thing and immediately ran away, as I was already mortified and needn't have the moment prolonged. So, kids, make sure those damn stall doors are latched! Give a couple test jiggles on the door to make sure that it is indeed securely fashioned. Some older doors have latches that barely connect, so you want to make sure that you will be safe.
Footnote:
My phobia causes me to come up with various scenarios that are tantamount to
the "tied to an airplane wing 10,000 feet in the air" scenario that a person
who is afraid of heights might come up with. In this scenario, I'm all alone
in a bathroom containing a lone stall. I am unloading the cargo when someone
else enters the bathroom. Large, heavy footsteps echo throughout the bathroom
and then suddenly cease. There is silence for a long, extended period. Then a
loud, booming voice (think James Earl Jones): "Damn fool! Yo' shit is stank!"
At this point, the person starts banging on the door and pulling on the handle
in an attempt to forcibly open the stall door. This is as far as my nightmare
scenario goes, I usually black out after thinking that far. As a result,
whenever I catch one of my friends or vice versa dropping anchor, I will walk
in quietly, hopefully undetected, and bellow out a booming "Damn, fool! Yo'
shit is stank!", thus notifying the guilty party that I am aware of their
mortal shortcomings. I often say this even when I'm alone, because... well
shit, dude, it's just fun to say.